Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Thinking of Quitting

I don't really want to be in therapy anymore. I can't see where I a going with it and I have started to feel uncomfortable in sessions. I used to be ok and I could open up but I don't feel that way anymore.

I also don't want to see Beth or Dr T any more.

I feel as though I am not getting anywhere. Things are no different now than they were when it all started. I have been seeing someone 7-9 months now and I don't feel as though things have changed. So what's the point? I don't like making my private thoughts open for every one to share. Also. Beth has said she wants to meet up with Sam and also the clinical psychologist so they can all work together. And, I know I shouldn't feel it but with all these people involved I am feeling as though I am being ganged up on. I am also feeling bad as Sam is nothing to do with NHS yet they keep pulling her in to things about me. It's not right. I feel as though I am taking too many of the organisations resources as she must be spending quite a bit of time on me. More than other people who just go to see her for an hour a week.

And, there is probably a waiting list for the service. I don't want to stop the blood letting and when I cut it is planned and usually with an OD and all part of a plan of trying to kill myself. Or if it's not it doesn't happen that often. I have got the blood letting and that has stopped me cutting. I haven't cut since January. I use that instead. So I feel as though I am being selfish as there may be someone who is waiting who actually wants to stop self harming and I am taking up a space.

Am I being rational? Can you see my point?

I need advice here please.


1 comment:

catherine said...

what would you say to a friend in your situation? think it through with someone else in your place. i get that you are not ready to quit, but that doesn't mean you are using up valuable resources. they want to help. that's their mission.