Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Fat Club - 3rd Weigh In. Also...the 1st date and other bits and bobs.

Not a good week.

Weight at Start - 17stone 0
Weight last week - 16stone 9
Weight this week - 16stone 10
Loss/Gain - Gain of 1lb.
Total Loss - 4lb

I am not happy. I knew it wouldn't be a good week but to put on weight. I am pretty miffed. I knew I wouldn't lose much if any. But to put on. I am quite upset by it. I know this week I need to measure what I have. Measure the meat etc. Not snack on goodies. I don't think I went over my points last week. I know Saturday was awful with the drinking and then Sunday I was snacking. OK, it wasn't awful but I did eat loads. So this week I am going to try and not use my weekly allowance. I have an essay to do and I hope that I  can get that written over the weekend and not drink loads. Not drinking loads means no hang over and no hang over cravings.

So here's to a good next week.

On to other news. I went on that date last night. I really liked him and seems as though he liked me. We are going to see each other again at the weekend. I told him he had to plan it and think of something cheap and cheerful. I now feel even more stupid for cutting myself. It's going to take about 6 weeks to heal. Also, I was thinking of going to the doctors and asking about that red cross scar cover up stuff as I am starting to get conscious of them. I didn't tell him about the scars but I think I'll have tp spin him a story if things go well between us. I do quite like him and he seems normal which I am surprised at, as usually the guys you meet off line are a little odd.

I have an appointment with Sam in a couple of hours. I really don't want to go. I didn't used to be that bothered by the appointments but I really don't like going now. I don't like being challenged. I know it's all part and parcel of counselling but I don't like it. It's changed also. Before I would just talk about what I wanted to talk about and would usually only mention self harm but she seems to be focussing more on the self harm now and I find it so difficult.

I decided I am not going to mention Saturday night when I cut. I don't really have a lot to say to her. I really do think I am going to have to stop with counselling and everything and manage on my own. Perhaps I would be better on my own. I can't see any benefits really since I started all this.

I suppose I have a couple of weeks to think about it after today. I have 2 weeks off. Yay! But, what does worry me is if I decide I do want to carry on I have about 2 weeks after my 2 weeks off and then she is off for the summer school holidays.

I've had enough of it all now.

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