Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Fed Up.

I am so fed up. And pissed off. It's my Dad that is causing it. He is driving me insane. He has a go at me for something he does all the time. I would say first off but it's not the first off. Yesterday he was talking to me like shit. We were sat there having lunch and the door bell went. He was sitting right next to it. I couldn't move or get it as takes me an hour to do anything. But he shouts at my mum to get it. She is in the other room having her lunch. So I said "don't ask mum to get it, she's in the other room having her lunch" he states he didn't know. So I said something along the lines of well she said she was and she only walked past you 2 minutes ago holding her lunch and saying she was going in the other room. All this time there is someone standing at the door and he can just see me and my Dad sitting there. So I try and get up and he has a go at me for trying to get up when I am in pain, so he shouts my Mum again. I am so pissed off at him. He then has the cheek to have a go at me for having attitude. So I said I don't talk to you any worse than you talk to Mum or me.

Then my brother was making tea after evening dinner. He shouts in will someone make him a coffee. He is sat on the computer messing around on photo shop. We shout that my brother is making tea and he says "well I want coffee you;ll just have to make me a coffee then"! His attitude stinks. He expects everyone to run around after him. He'll tell my mum to go get something for him from the kitchen when they are both sitting there and it's something he wants. A drink, some wine, an orange, some cream, toothpicks, anything. It drives me mad how he expects people to run around after him.

It's always been like this but usually I hide out in my bedroom. But with being like I am at the moment I can't escape. I am having to rely on people to get me things. I hate asking. I really do. I hate having people have to run round after me.

Today. My nephews come at about 8am. All I can hear is him. My nephews are 2 years and one at 4 months. He makes more noise than them both put together.All I can hear is him. I go downstairs at 9.30am after he has gone out as I am pissed at him for waking me up and just being noisy. He is like it all the time. He has baby talk tourettes. It gets to me so much. I can't stand being around when there's him and my nephews as it just pisses me off and really gets to me.

So I spend the morning doing uni work and work work in my room. I decide to have a shower and go downstairs to get a drink. He's there and starts making comments how I have just decided to get up and grace my nephews with my presence. When he got back I was in the shower and then getting ready. I go down stairs and my mum asks me to watch the 2 year old while he has his lunch. So I am sat there talking to him and my dad starts having a go at me for being noisy. And then making loads of snide comments. I snapped in the end and said "you stand need to talk with the way you are so don't you dare have a go at me when I am not even being noisy"! I am so sick of it all. I am fed up. I am sick of being stuck in the house all the time. I can't go anywhere. I can't do anything.

I have again retreated to my room. I love my nephews but I don't want to be around when he is around as it winds me up so much. I can't stand the sight of him at the moment and I hate the way he talks to my Mum and expects every one to run around after him. He can't look after the kids as he doesn't know what he is doing. He expects everyone to do the bad things that they don't like like nappy changing. The other day he left tea on the side and let the 2 year old wander in to the kitchen and as an after thought he said "oh, you best go see what he is doing as there is a cup of tea on the side". He doesn't think. He doesn't watch them properly. It drives me mad. He winds them up on purpose and then gets annoyed when they are being noisy. He does the same to the dog and makes her bark and then shouts at her really loudly scaring her when it is him who did that. I am so bloody angry. So angry that the whole situation makes me cry. I always cry when I am angry. Not good.

I really want to spend some time with my nephews but I can't when he is around. He takes over and then expects me to do the things that they don't like like wiping their hands, washing their face, changing his nappy etc. And then says things like "ohhh, nasty Aunty GP making you do that". It makes them play up even more and makes the job a lot harder than it should be.

I feel bad saying all these things but I am so pissed off, so fed up that I can't cope. I can't concentrate on anything. It makes me never want to go downstairs. I can hear him now shouting and being noisy. I hate it. I look forward to the nights he is out. Which unfortunately is only Tuesdays. I wish he would just go and do some bloody work.

And to top it all off. My cast foot is wet. It got wet in the shower and now it's all soggy and cold. Feels horrible.

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