Sunday, 8 May 2011

Tonight's Thoughts.

Gonna be quick as I am knackered. But if I am using this as a diary thing I wanted to get down how I am feeling.

I am feeling nervous. I have an appointment with Dr T the Psychiatrist tomorrow and Sam is coming. I sort of wish she wasn't now. But it's too late to cancel as she has possibly re-arranged her diary to come and it would be rude of me to cancel on her. Also, I can kind of see some benefit of having someone else come with me. Especially someone who knows me better than Dr T. I have asked her to bring up that hyper stage if I forget and explain to him what I was like when she saw me. It's hard for me to recall things like that.

Anyway, I am nervous about the appointment also. I don't like going. My Mum has said she will give me a lift there and I will have to get a taxi back. My foot/ankle is still killing me. I don't know if they will be able to take the cast off on Friday if it is still so painful. But at the same time they want me to be moving it as they think there is ligament damage also which means it needs to be exercised. I have found if I have had quite an active day and I have put weight on it then it's worse after and the pain gets close to unbearable. I am taking combined Ibuprofen and Paracetamol. I struggle to take paracetamol. Especially when I am feeling suicidal or the thoughts are regular. It's like a flash back and I gag on them. When I don't feel that suicidal and the thoughts haven't been there it's easier to take them. Look at that for a bit of psychology.

I have joined I know I don't really have time at the moment but I was bored and it gives me someone to talk to. Also, there are a few gigs and comedians playing that I haven't been able to go to that I would have liked to go to as my friends have different tastes than me. So even if I don't meet someone as a boyfriend I would like to meet a guy friend who will go to gigs etc with me. It's nice having guys in your life as they offer a different perspective and it's nice to have the company of a male sometimes rather than always being in female company.

So, I may possibly have some entertaining stories about what goes on. I have only paid for a month though and I am in cast for the next week. In hindsight perhaps I should have waited until the cast was off before going and paying £40 for a months membership.

Oh well. Hindsight is a great thing!

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