I didn't have any fight in me. So I have now been put on to Lamotrigine. Can't say I am happy but I would rather give it a go and have a chance of working to get that extra help than have nothing at all.
As I expected he didn't listen to me, it was if my opinions didn't matter. Typical him really.
He kept telling me I am depressed as I have nothing to be happy about. Well I have nothing to be depressed over either so what's that about? Quite an annoying statement really.
He said he will see me more regularly as he hasn't seen me in a long time and while I am starting a new medication he wants to monitor it. So I have more appointments which in my mind are a waste of time to look forward to. I suppose having a CPN/CCO has been of some benefit to me.
I told him about the hallucinations and how much they bothered me and I told him I wanted them to stop but he was no use at all. No advice he basically just skirted around it and ignored what I was saying. I really don't know why I bother.
As usual the appointment has just left me feel pissed off.
And I am stuck with him. I am waiting to be moved teams as the team I am under is an assessment team who are only supposed to work with you for up to a year. I have been with them two and a half years now. I am waiting for a new CPN in the recovery team, but being as though he is also the consultant psychiatrist in the recovery team, I will still be under him. Grrrrr.
Also, he said at the moment the team would not be recommending I can start back to uni. As I expected really. So not feeling too bothered about that. If I was them I wouldn't recommend it either. So for once I understand where they are coming from on it. Going to speak to the psychologist about it on Thursday though as I need to know whether or not I am likely to be going back. I am hoping that over the next few months things will change with the help of medication and also therapy. I am willing to put more in to it than I have done. I know I need to if things need to improve.
But who knows what the future holds.