Thursday, 17 February 2011

Letter to Gom's Mum.

Dear Anne,

My mum said she bumped in to you today Anne and she said that you said you missed me. I want you to know the feeling is mutual. I miss you all so much and I saw you as my own family. It was so sweet what you said about wanting to give me a hug. Especially as in the 9 years I knew you we only ever hugged once. That was on that horrible Saturday that Gom threw me out. I feel that I haven't just lost my best friend that I had in Gom but also 3 other members of my family.

I have been thinking about you quite a bit recently. Sounds stupid but I wonder if Meg your dog is still alive as she was getting on a bit. I wonder how Charles' (Gom's Dad) Dad is. I liked him. He was a sweet old man. Really thoughtful. I have also thought of your mum of course. I wonder how she is, and if she is happy now Gom and I are no longer together. She never liked me and Gom told me how she gave him some money once I had moved out.

My mum said that you said how you hoped you would bump in to me. I sort of feel the same. I don't really want to get in contact as I think it would upset me and I haven't been in contact with you since May when I found out that Gom was now going out with someone else. I didn't want it to seem as though I was fishing for info or trying to get at Gom in another way. I feel bad for not keeping in contact more, but then I suppose it's normal isn't it when a relationship breaks down. I don't know what I would say to you if I saw you. I have been in your area quite a bit through my placement over the past few days. I keep an eye out for you when I am driving around. I went in to Morrisons today in my lunch break but I didn't see anyone I know. I suppose it's unlikely I'd bump in to you as I think in all the years we lived only a mile away from each other we only ever bumped in to each other once in the supermarket.

I really miss Sundays and coming to yours for dinner. It was a nice family thing and I liked the way we would moan at our men being the father like son.

I miss Charles also. He always made me laugh. I liked the way that Gom and him bonded over football and stuff like decorating and car stuff.

How is Martine. I know I deleted her on Facebook. It was nothing she had done but I didn't want constant reminders about Gom and seeing photos of him and another girl was just not healthy for me. Where is she working now? How did she do in her PGCE?  I never actually said anything to Gom, but I also envied the relationship you had with Martine. I wish I had the same relationship with my mum.

I loved the way you always included me when it came to things like Christmas. I felt so relaxed at yours and coming round to visit was never a chore. I actually used to suggest it to Gom in the week when we were thinking of something to do and I used to suggest coming to yours.

I know that you must know of some of the problems I had with my Mental Health as Gom would have told you. I know that you know that I had problems. I think I am finally getting to the route of them now. I know I never talked about them with you but I know you knew. I don't think you know the extent of them but I wont go in to details and I wont tell you about what has happened since Gom and I broke up. It's not fair, you don't want to hear it so I wont tell you.

So I started my Masters course in September. It's going well. Really hard work and I am so skint all the time as the bursary doesn't go very far. When they said full time they weren't joking. My Psychology degree was supposed to be full time but I was in 6 hours a week and never did work for the lectures. This is full time and some. So I am still living with the parents who drive me insane, but I am so busy I spend a lot of time in my room reading for uni. At the moment I am on placement so I am spending my evenings working on work stuff. I have spent most of tonight trying to find a house for a client so I have been emailing about that. It's hard work but I am really enjoying it. I can really get my teeth stuck in to it. I am a little worried about it being too much and me not being able to turn off. I know I shouldn't be looking up houses for her in my own time but it saves me doing it tomorrow so I can actually concentrate on other clients and getting things sorted for this one.

As you know I went travelling for 3 months. It was amazing. It was a bit scary being in Bangkok when there were riots going off but I managed to avoid most the trouble. I left on the morning of the worst riots where loads of people were killed. It all over spilled on to the road I was staying on. It would have been quite scary. I had an amazing time and I did not want to come home. I actually considered getting a job out there and staying a bit longer. But as it happens I suppose I was quite lucky coming home when I did. Not sure if you know but I ended up in hospital about 2 weeks after getting back and I was in for nearly 2 weeks. I fell off a motorbike (although my parents and family think push bike) and smashed my knee up pretty badly. 3 months later (yeah in true Mental101 style I did it on my 2nd day in to the trip) it hadn't healed, was really infected and I was really ill. The infection spread to my blood. Was a horrible few days that was. But the best diet in the world.

Any way. There is not much else left to say.

I really miss you guys and wish there was someway that we could keep in contact without it being weird as of Gom.

Love you.


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