Friday, 17 May 2013

Plan For Tonight

Really feeling so anxious and don't really know what to do with myself.

So I have a bit of a plan. Try and last out until 9pm. If I still feel the same I am going to go for a drive with some really loud music. Try and blast it out of me.

If that doesn't make me feel any better then I am going to have a couple of drinks. I didn't sleep last night and I need something to help.

I don't really feel like calling Crisis Team as last time they made me so angry. I am not going to call and be told I will feel better if I eat an apple and a banana. What is the point in calling and being told useless stuff that will just make me feel worse.

I don't know how I am getting through at the moment and that I haven't done anything more serious than cutting and swallowing. I am scared I am going to end up back in hospital.

I feel positive about this new therapy. Well, I don't actually. But, it seems more suited to me and think it could have a chance at working. It's going to be hard work. But there could be some light at the end of the tunnel with this.

This could be the not living like this anymore. This could see me not wanting to die. But at the moment it is all I think about. I have to try and fight it as this therapy could see things change.

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