Wednesday, 20 April 2011


I am having massive problems with concentration over the past few days. It's really bugging me. I can't function. I am struggling at work as I can't concentrate on a task. I am also starting to proper freak about uni work as I have soooo much to do in the next 6 weeks and I can't bloody focus.

I am getting more and more stressed as I can't focus which is making my concentration even worse. I am stuck in a vicious circle. I can't even sit and watch a tv programme as my concentration span is less than 5 minutes. I have fallen behind on reading blogs as I just sit looking at the words as though they are a foreign language.

I've gotta see the nurse tomorrow to have my BP taken as last time I went to GP it was high and can't be high to be on the pill. Do I mention it to her. Is there any drugs out there legal (and maybe not so legal) that I can get to make me concentrate? I am in a vicious circle and things are getting worse.

I am so bloody irritable at the moment. Everything. I'll be ok one minute with something and then all of a sudden I am like whoahhhh, STOP. On the 15 minute drive home from work I got through 200 songs on my iPod only listening to parts of them.

I feel like I am in a vicious circle as I am getting annoyed that I can't concentrate and I will then think about the work I need to be doing. I will then get annoyed more so as there is so much to do and I keep thinking about it along with a million other things and then that makes me more not being able to concentrate. It's like I am in a vicious circle.

I am not watching the Royal Wedding. I don't get the whole hype. It's just two people getting married. Me personally if I ever get married I don't want a load of people I couldn't care less about going to my wedding. I mean come on...Posh and Becks going to the church? It's all about status and I am not particularly keen on the royal family. Other than be a tourist attraction I can't really see what they do. OK. Hit me with the comments on that one.

I have never seen as many chavs under one roof as I saw last night. It was an interesting experience and was not at all something I would have chosen to do but only went as my friend asked me as she didn't want to be gooseberry. It was shit. I don't like them or anything like them. I am a bit of a music snob though and will only listen to certain music. I won't give much a go unless it is the same genre as the stuff I like. Although, I must say. Lady Gaga is a guilty pleasure of mine.

Met my favourite author yesterday also. The person who was in front of me in the queue kept making comments on mine and my friends conversation about what we were saying to each other. I kind of made me paranoid. She was on her own and kept her back to me. My friend didn't really notice it but everything I said she kind of kept repeating it and saying "that's interesting". She then went on to comment how she wears a tiara when she does her housework. What that had to do with anything and when we weren't even talking to her. Kind of annoying really.

I let quite a lot tonight. I was hoping it would sort of knock me. Slow things down a bit. It hasn't. I am still where I was. Time is going like superfast. I don't like it. I wish I was 6 again and time seemed to stand still and summer holidays lasted forever. 6 weeks of school. Amazing. I'd love 6 weeks off now. I would love to go knock on my friends doors and see if they wanna come out and play, go swimming, play tennis in the street, play kurby. I spent hours and hours playing kurby. Was a brilliant game. You don't seem to see kids playing anymore. I wish I was still a kid and not getting older. I felt really old last night. I was jealous of the kids in front of me smuggling their bottle of vodka in (I say kids they were about 15). I would have done the same at their age. You could tell they had put loads of effort in to getting ready to go out. They had probably spent hours talking with each other about what they were going to wear that night.

What happened to all of that. When did I start just throwing on the first clean thing I can find in the morning.I saw clean. I often have to sponge food or something off something I am wearing. So I should probably say the first non smelly thing I can find. But then I have never been a typical girlie girl. i like to shop. But it has to be on my own. I don't like going with other people. They just start to annoy me. And I don't like being held up by others. I get to a point where I have had enough I am have to leave NOW!

I have got a busy day at work tomorrow. All the team except me is off next week. I can't say I am looking forward to that. I have no concentration at the moment and I find if I am in the office on my own I just sit there staring in to space and I  can't get work done. We had handover today and I can't remember a word from it about the different service users.

Do you prefer to be called patient, client or service user? I never know which one to say,

I don't know what to do my dissertation on. It need to be social work based, I was wanting to do mental health and the stigma attached to it. I want it to be related to social workers (obviously) but I am really unsure what to do...
Please HELP ME.

Honestly. I am so stuck. If someone could give me a couple of ideas to start from and maybe an idea of a couple of questions I can possibly raise.

I am really stuck on this one. Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going bed now. Well I am trying to.



Pandora said...

I completely agree on the Royal Wedding. It's not that I have anything against the personnel particularly, but I don't know either of them, so why should I care? I don't mind some of the Royals as individuals but I find the institution, the concept, to be pretty ridiculous personally.

I hate the term 'service user'. 'Client' I don't mind, but 'patient' is the one I dislike least. I wonder - do SWs, therapists, psychologists and the like see clients, maybe, since they're not medical types? But nurses and doctors see patients? The distinction is pointless and arbitrary, I suppose, but I do wonder where it came from. I think 'service user' came up because the NHS, in its infinite (read: infinitesimal) wisdom, thought it was respectful. It isn't. Of necessity, I do more than 'use services'. I wish my mentalism allowed circumstances to be so casual! No, I need medical and psychological treatment. That's more than 'service use'.

(Having ranted about that, I must confess that I've heard myself using the term a few times. Bah!).

Concentration lapses are so bloody debilitating. These days my own lack of focus is mentalist-driven, but when I was about to write my final year dissertation, everything was more interesting than that, without fail. I think I even watched Gardener's World once :( *hangs head*

But you'll get there, hun, fear not. Some sort of safety mechanism seems to kick in and it somehow comes together.

Mental health and stigma is a great topic. Tying it into social work...what can social workers do in the community, or as trainers, or in family liaison to reduce stigma? Is there a stigma against MH workers, SWs included, as well as patients? Just throwing random, off-the-cuff ideas out here, sorry if they're shite. (My own dissertation was a statistical analysis of certain social variables on a given matter using SPSS, and thus I am not experienced in anything remotely interesting academically, sorry).

Anyway, I've blathered on for beyond ages...sorry :/ Good luck with the nurse tomorrow and I hope you sleep well!

Take care

Pan x

catherine said...

what you are describe is typical of a hypomanic state. 100%. an anti psychotic will help. i'm on zeldox, but there are plenty on the market. describe all your symptoms and see what they say.

as for the dissertation, i dunno, but i am sure you'll come up with something good! maybe on the value of peer support for mental health issues (has helped me sometimes i think more than the professionals). or what about self harm? i know you have plenty of insights on that.

good luck tomorrow.