I don't know what happened, nothing like it has happened before and it has really scared me.
At about 3am this morning I woke up in my bathroom holding a kitchen knife with tears streaming down my face. I hadn't done anything. I don't know what woke me up. I have never slept walked before. It's really bothered me. Nothing like this has ever happened before.
Maybe I wasn't sleep walking but I was in a dissociative state. But I don't remember waking up at all in the night last night. Also, although one of my suicide fantasies is stabbing myself in the stomach. It's something that has been going through my head loads recently. Something I run through from start to finish. But, it's not my method that I have planned.
What does this mean? I am really losing it aren't I? Who knows what I would have done if I hadn't have woken up. Do I need to tell my CPN/Psychologist? I am scared about what they will make of it.