I stopped taking my meds last night. I didn't sleep a wink. But I think that's just withdrawal. Tonight it's a sleeping tablet and see how I get on. Only an over the counter one as I am saving the zopiclone for the future plans. Going to see if I can get some more of them when I next see CPN. I'm going to see how I get on without them as I am convinced that they don't do anything for me. How can they be when the cocktail I am on still allows me to feel like this?
I have had major anxiety and strong urges today. The urges are nothing new but I am getting really anxious and close to having full on panic attacks about this flat I am supposed to be renting out from the middle/end of February all depending on references etc.
I have worked out I need to spend at least £315 before moving in just to get the basics. That is a bed, a hanging rail, a sofa, bookcase and all the kitchen stuff I need. My TSW said I can apply for a community care grant but looking at the criteria I don't think I will fit it. Not to be put as high priority anyway. I don't know if she will put on the application that it's detrimental to my mental health that I move, but even then I don't think that will make any difference. So it looks like I am going to be completely brassic for a couple of months and not be able to leave the house/flat.
Then after that I will still need to buy a wardrobe, coffee table. lamps, bedside tables and other homely items.
Then on the other hand I don't know why I am getting in to a state as I know that I probably won't be there that long when I carry out my plans anyway.
Well, it's day one of no medication and I don't feel any different. Not that I expected to as I know it takes a while for it to get out your system. I also don't expect to sleep for the next few nights as I have come off Quetiapine. When they reduced it when I was in hospital I had insomnia for about a week of no sleep at all. But maybe these over the counters will make me drowsy and at least the night will pass quicker if I am more relaxed. I go a bit high when I have not been sleeping. Is that normal?