Thursday, 12 January 2012

Review Tomorrow.

So I have my review with the doctors tomorrow. I'm really nervous. My CPN is going also. She came this morning to see me and it just left me feeling pissed off. I'm not sure why.

We spoke about discharge and me going home to live with my mum. I got the impression that she was not happy about that and wanted me to move out. My mum has said in the past that she was under the impression that Beth and the doctor at the other hospital weren't wanting me to go back. Beth said that my mum had said to her that she was terrified I'd kill myself while living with her and was paranoid about knives, scissors, medication etc.

So maybe it would be easier on my mum if I wasn't there. I'd like to live on my own but it's not really practical. I'm hoping I'll go back to uni in September and I can't afford to live on my own and be at uni so would mean living with mum for that year anyway. So I can't see the point in moving out for only a few months.

My mum has said to me she wants me back at home, but I'm now wondering if that is how she really feels. I don't want to be a burden to her. It's bad enough I've had the feelings and acted the way I have without adding more on her with living with her. I don't know where I am now.

Living with my dad is not an option. It would make me worse. It's hard to explain why and I know the staff don't see at all why I have problems with my dad and probably think it's in my head. But at least I have other family members backing me up. So tomorrow, hopefully I'll be having my obs reduced. I need to stop worrying about it as there is nothing I can do. Even tomorrow there is nothing I can do! X

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