Wednesday, 25 January 2012

It's Getting Worse and It's Concerning Me.

My feelings are getting stronger. The urge to cut is massive. I'm feeling low and don't want to do anything. I'm worried I'm going to end up in a depression again. I've not talked to anyone as there isn't anyone on shift I feel like I can talk to.

My CPN, Beth, is coming tomorrow but I feel she is quite negative so I can't talk to her. So I'm dreading her coming.

They are talking about discharge planning now, which, one one hand is brilliant, I want out of here. On the other there is something in me which doesn't want to as I'm terrified. I'm so worried things will get worse for me or will go back to how it was before. I'm so reluctant to talk about this with anyone incase it has impact on my discharge. So I feel a bit stuck.


Suzie said...

How are things now? Is it getting any better? My son is a cutter. I know there is not much I can say just know I'm thinking about you wanting the best for you. Change is hard. You have been in a structured place so I am sure the thought of getting out as triggered lots of things. Being in charge of yourself and also NOT being in charge of yourself. If you can't take thing one day at a time then take them one minute at a time. I gave my son a compass for Christmas with a saying "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
Best to you.

one brave duck said...

it's really important that you talk to someone about this. hopefully by the time you read this there's been a shift change and there is someone you can confide in in place. last year i left the hospital even though i know i wasn't ready, and i was readmitted within two weeks, for a much longer stay. i should have just stayed in the first time. sending a big hug!! hang in there, c