Monday, 9 January 2012

No Change

<p>I'm still at the same PICU and nothing has changed. I saw the doctors on Friday which left me disappointed as she said she's not going to change anything. So my level of obs that I'm on are to remain the same. It's horrible. </p>
<p>I explained to her I hadn't self harmed in over 3weeks and didn't have urges to. She asked me about triggers and I explained that I didn't really have any and weren't sure if there were any. So she said being as though I wasn't aware what they were and how they came from no where she wasn't going to reduce obs level. I tried to explain how when I self harm I feel like a different person and I'm not me and I'll feel like that for quite a long time. But at the moment I don't feel like that. But, disappointingly she wouldn't budge.</p>
<p>I've been told by the staff here that this doc is known to be very cautious with new patients and to not expect much if anything in the first week. It has also been said by staff that they didn't know why I was here as it seemed as though there is nothing wrong with me. They said they will write this in my notes and it will get handed over to the doctors also.</p>
<p>I'm hoping that I will be moved from the PICU soon as I honestly think I don't need be here. I want to go home and I do feel that the longer I am detained the worse it makes things for me. I am now thinking I am going to get a solicitor and appeal the section. I haven't in the past as I thought I did need to be in hospital as I needed someone to take the responsibility from me. But, I think I'm ready to take that now.

I understand why they may have their concerns, after all the serious life endangering shit I did and, that it may take some time. But, how can I show them I am better if they don't give me the opportunity to?

So, I guess I'm feeling quite frustrated at the moment. I'm really missing my nephews also. I'm hoping the docs will allow my brother to bring them here. I need to have leave off the ward to be able to see them which the staff say needs to be risk assessed for things such as me doing a runner, if I'm likely to show any behaviours that the kids will find upsetting and a few other things. It's all a bit of a pain in the ass really.

I've also decided I'm def not doing DBT. I've researched it and have seen it's not for me. I have been working on some recovery stuff with one of the nurses though so at least I'm doing something. It's all about me noticing signs that I'm unwell. These are things like me being really quiet, not eating properly, escapism etc. So hopefully that will show them I'm doing something!

Time for more tv now. My brain is turning to mush with the amount of crap tv I'm watching at the moment.



Kristy said...

I have been in the psych ward a ton over the years and havent been in years. I learned to play the game! Basically behave. If you have a mood or any other psych illness you have triggers whether your aware or not. Maybe , what pisses you off or stresses you at first. Become more self aware and talk to them even if it is what they need to hear. please dont do anything stupid. Please write me if you need help. People do care about you whether you think so or not. Stay strong!

one brave duck said...

Thinking of you and sending hugs. Hopefully they will reduce obs this week. C.