Thursday, 28 February 2013

Getting Ready For The Appointment

I have about 10 minutes before I need to leave the house for my appointment with the psychologist. I feel really nervous about it. I feel really worried as if something will happen. I don't know what, but there is something telling me something is going to happen. Something bad. I don't know why I feel like this.

I think he will probably ask me if I have any plans now that I have moved out. Last time I saw him I said I would be waiting to act on anything until I am on my own. So he will probably bring it up. I told him last time I didn't have a date but I have a plan and I know how I will go about it. And with him talking more about low secure last time I am really worried. What if they want me to go back in to hospital and go somewhere long term? He said last time he thought maybe they should have pushed the low secure route more.

Maybe I am worrying over nothing. Maybe I'm not. It makes me think about what I can and can't talk to him about. At least when I was in hospital I could be a lot more open with him. I was on a PICU and felt I didn't really have much to lose by being totally honest. But I do now. So it means I can't be totally honest with him. I can't say what I want to because I fear what will happen.

So I don't really know what to do about it all. I want to be able to be open and honest. The whole psychology thing would work a lot more for me if I was able to do that. But I don't think it will work while I am not able to be open and honest.

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