Friday, 19 October 2012

Shit. A Section 5.2

I tried to do a runner. Managed to hop a 4 foot fence not so gracefully or painlessly to have two guys already have beaten me to it and rugby tackle me. This has all led to a 5.2 and waiting a full are you mental enough to be detained assessment tomorrow. I want to leave. Reason being, I don't think being here is helping. Who knows what they'll say tomorrow. I don't think it will be Dr T as he's got clinic so that's a good thing. But at the end of the day the decision comes down to the AMHP. It's them I've got to pursuade that yes, while I am actively suicidal and self harming hospital is not the best place for me. And worryingly I saw my psychologist today and we talked about if I was making plans and I admitted to him I was. He, I assume is under the belief that I need to be here at the moment as a crisis intervention. Not long term like last time but just at the moment. So I'm kind of expecting to be put on a section 2 tomorrow. A 3 if I'm unlucky. I didn't think I'd be able to make the fence. But I did. But now I'm in pain. It was awful. I'd had my hood up so as I was being escorted back to the ward it was like being blindfolded and forced fast. Scary stuff. In the end I agreed to oral medication. I don't really like taking it as it knocks me out the next day. I'm like a zombie on it. Psychologist even said today at 4pm you look like you're falling asleep. On a plus point of the day which nearly made me cry. I was at a soft play area with my nephews (I was informal so could leave during the day) and the 3 year old stopped what he was doing came and sat next to me put his arm round me and said 'I really love you'! I'm so blessed to have such amazing nephews but the way I see it at the moment is they are still at that age where they are so young they won't remember me. So it's kind of now or never. Wish me luck for tomorrow. Xxx

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Sorry things are tough.. I guess my thoughts are why didn't you do a runner when you were out? Would have been easier then rather than wait till you were back on the ward when it'd attract attention? I a previous post you said they'd discharge you if you keep on harming yourself... Then you try to not harm yourself as a consequence.. I'm confused as that makes it sound like you want to stay an inpatient but then you do a runner as if you won't want to be an inpatient. But you choose the time when you'll most likely get caught?

Either way it's clear things are difficult for you and I'm sorry about that. I hope things improve and that you get to go home, if that's what you want, soon