Well, I am doing ok? I think I am anyway. But things seem to be a bit better. I don't know why, maybe it's because of the medication. I am a bit stressed out still, but I am dealing with it quite well. It sounds awful but when I feel like this I worry more. The pessimist in me can't enjoy feeling like this as I worry about how long it will last for before I go right back down again. It feel false. Does anyone else get that?
I have joined a gym in my efforts to lose weight and get fit. I have set myself a challenge. I have entered a 5km mud run in September. I can't run at all. But, I aim that in 3 months I will be able to run the course. I have only been 3 times so far but I am already noticing a change in my fitness levels. The first couple of times the machines kept beeping at me as my heart rate was going too high to be safe. But yesterday it didn't do it at all and I had to work that little bit harder to get my HR up to a decent level. So that's all good. And, another benefit is is sleep. I am sleeping much better, much better quality. OK, it's only been 3 days, but, I have managed to fall asleep almost straight away and then sleep solidly without waking. That's massive for me.
On another note, I have started online dating again. I have talked about it before. But I don't know if I am self sabotaging. I keep comparing all the dates to my first date with my ex. But I don't know if this is the right thing to do. After the first date with my ex I came away with butterflies and I knew I would fall for him. There was a massive something there. I don't know if that's normal or not. Can those feelings develop? I wonder if because I was 17 when I met my ex I was quite naive and my age had something to do with how I was feeling. I don't know if I should be looking for those feelings now or not? Can they develop over time? Or if I don't feel like that should I just move on and give up on that guy?
Anyway, comments on that would be useful. Please.
I have a Psychology appointment in a couple of hours so I will be posting about that later or tomorrow.