Monday, 19 October 2015


I am so anxious. I am trying to distract myself. Not sure what to say. I can’t think in a coherent way, so not sure why I think I can write.

I don’t like what the medication does to me. I hate being on meds. I didn’t take it last night. I didn’t sleep. I figure the withdrawal will only be a couple of days, I can deal with that. Also means I can not eat too. I feel better knowing I have that under control. The medication makes me hungry. I want to eat all the time. I think some of it is boredom too, but, for today, I have that under control.

I told them I don’t want to see the doctor, I wouldn’t go in to see her. I don’t see the point in sitting there and being told I am wrong. I am clear about what I want. They know that. But, they don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to hear them telling me my thoughts are wrong. So, I figured I just wouldn’t go in. I am supposed to be seeing G tomorrow. I think I will tell them to cancel him. I don’t want to sit there while he gets pissed off at me and tell me I am wrong too. His time is better spent with someone who will benefit from it. 

I think they are trying to wind me up on purpose to make me flip. 

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