Was feeling pretty calm and ok. I'd had an ok day. Went swimming. Saw family. But then I saw an opportunity. I swallowed a battery. Why? I don't know. I've had opportunity all day to self harm etc. I could have done anything. But I get back on the ward. Back not much more than 2hours. And I do that. I'm fucking crazy.
It's probably a sign that hospital isn't working. Perhaps I need to be honest and tell them tomorrow that it's not working for me.
Seeing psychologist tomorrow. Worried about his reaction to what I've written about things the last couple of weeks. Some pretty dark miserable stuff. I keep a thought journal as well as this blog. It makes dark depressing reading.