I don't want to work with the teams any more. I am not sure if it is helping. I don't want them coming round to my house. I don't want to work with them. I just want to be left alone and to get on with the plan I had. But, that's not going to happen is it.
Also, it's the irrational side of me talking. I still have some, a tiny part of rationality left in me. But, it is there. I am making stupid decisions. Some that could have potentially ruined my life. I was stupid. But, there is a big part of me that wants to run away. I want to go check in to a hotel and not be bothered by people on the HTT etc. I don't want to see my Doctor. I don't see the point in it. But, what is stopping me is I don't have the money to go hide out in a hotel. I have rinsed my savings in the last few months.
It's all so....I don't know. I can't think of the word.