Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Suicidal Thoughts.

The thoughts are very strong. I am struggling to contend with them. I am not sure if I should call Crisis Team as I am not sure if there is anything that they would be able to do. They would tell me to distract myself, do something nice for myself. I have tried to distract myself. I have done nice things for myself. I've had a really nice treat dinner. Loads of veg, Yorkshire pudding and beef in red wine. I am having a bit of a chocolate craving, but I don't want to ruin everything by having chocolate. I will end up feeling bad if I do. Also, I don't have any chocolate in and would mean going to the local shop and I don't really want to give them my business being as though I now know that it is owned by the nightmare neighbour.

The thoughts have been there a few days, but they have been getting worse. They are becoming more frequent and stronger. I have started to think what I would do. But, there is still that ambivalence there. Well, I think there is. I am having some doubts. So that means I can't do anything. I won't do anything. Not while there is doubt. I need to make sure I don't drink too much while I feel like this because that is when I will end up acting on the impulse.

I think maybe I will call crisis team. See what they say.


Anonymous said...

Hi gp xx how are you doing today ? Did you call the crisis team ? I no meds are not a cure all but do you think that missing some could have had a bad effect on your mood combined with all the recent stress ? Xxx

Golden Psych said...

I didn't call them in the end. I chickened out. My CPN said that it could be as I hadn't taken my meds properly. But more of a psychological reason, not that they actually do anything.

The thoughts have still been there today but not as strong thankfully.