Sunday, 4 August 2013

Time Goals

So my friend will be here in about 40 minutes. I can't self harm before she gets here.

She'll be here about an hour. I can't self harm while she is here.

I then plan on having a long bath. That may reduce anxiety and therefore me not self harm.

I will then prepare dinner which is a Thai Green curry with lots of veg. This will take about an hour.

This will take me until about 8pm. I am then able to medicate by taking some quetiapine, even though I am not prescribed it anymore I still have some and it is good for me as PRN when I don't actually take it regularly as it sedates me quite a lot. I also have some sleeping pills so I can take a couple of those.

This should in theory have me knocked out at around 9pm and I should sleep until tomorrow. Then I have the appointment with the psychologist.

I kind of don't want to tell him how I am feeling as he has told me so many times that alcohol is a depressant and that I should be careful about what I drink. I feel as though I am going to get I told you so. Even though he has never before. I think it is this that has caused it. I am hoping that in a few days I will be over it. I know I am an awful patient. I know what can cause me to get in to a bad place again but I still go ahead and do it anyway. I know I didn't have to drink so much while I was away. But, the reason I did is because I could see my parents, my Mum in particular getting aggressive and doing her usual. I can't be doing with being around them when they are drunk. So my theory was that if I was drinking some, they were drinking less and also if I was drunk I am more able to handle their annoying behaviours.

Anyway, for now I am trying not to cry as I don't want to be red faced and blotchy when my friend gets here as I don't want her worrying about things.

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