So I called back again like I was told to. Firstly I was transferred to the switch board of the main hospital and had to be asked to be transferred. Spoke to someone called Helen. She was on the night team. The team I spoke to before, had finished.
Basically, I was told it was my decision. It was my choice what I did. And... to take a bath, go for a walk, make a phone call and not use the Internet to research if I took ... what would it do. I know if I took enough of the prescription meds that I have in the house it would work. I know that as I have been stock piling them knowing that they will cause me to go in to a hypo if I take enough. Anyway.
I was told I needed to distract myself. Queue crying as I have been trying that and it's not practical advice. So, I am in more of a mess than I was before.
I told her why I called tonight was because I had plans for another night and tonight wasn't right for me. She didn't really say much. Just that she would fax the CPN, Beth, and let her know I had called.
But, I can say I tried Crisis team. It didn't work and I won't be using them again. I can't see the point. I'm going to try taking triple dose of Quetiapine and hope it knocks me out for the night. If I take the triple dose it's only just over the maximum daily dose. So no big deal. But hopefully it will knock me out.
Even letting isn't helping tonight. It can sometimes make me feel calmer and relaxed but it was just frustrating me as couldn't get a decent vein and when I did it clotted really quickly. Going to get some aspirin tomorrow.
But, I can say I called and that I didn't find it useful. I kinda knew what they would say before I called as they were all the type of things that I would say to patients who came to me and told me they were suicidal. So, I shouldn't have expected much really.
I think the only thing that will work for me tonight is actually something to knock me out. I need a diazepam or a zopiclone but I don't have any. And it's not as though they can just bring one round for me either is it. And there is no way I am going down to the hospital, even if it is only a 10 minute walk away. But it wasn't even suggested anyway.
So it's going to be me self medicating. I just hope that works. I am going to take them now and hopefully in an hour I will be snoring away!