Don't tell me to go to hospital, don't tell me to call Crisis Team. You know my feelings about them.
I don't want to go on like this anymore. The cycles I can't control are in control of me.
I just hope it works. I will leave the house in the dead of night to ensure that my family don't find me. OK, it's probably pretty selfish as some poor dog walker will. What have they done to deserve that? But, they wont be able to do anything about it. It's not as though they can think "what could I have done". Well in all honesty no one can do anything. I am broken. You can't fix me now. It has gone too far.
I am not all together sure it will work. But if you never try you will never succeed. Try try again and then you will succeed. Never give up. That is what I was taught through my childhood. Never give up! Friday night is probably not the best night to try with people coming back from out on the town. But, if I can get to where I need to be then it should work.
If you never try you'll never succeed!