I'm really struggling at the moment. I don't know what to do with myself. I am having a Pajama day today and I can't relax. I don't know what to do. I try and watch TV but it is not sinking in. I have tried to read, but I can't concentrate on it. I try and write but my words aren't coming out very well. I keep picking up my phone to call someone but I am not sure who to call. I have been given peoples numbers but I can't do anything about it.
The reason I am struggling? Because I have a plan for in a few days, not tonight. So how do I tell someone that? I can't really can I? The reason I won't do it today is because if I leave it until the day I have planned there is more time that will pass without anyone realising that I am not around. So I know it will work. I need the time. So I can't pick up the phone and say I want to kill myself, but the reason I am calling you and I haven't in the past is because I have a plan and doing it now would go against my plans.
I've just realised I have opened this with Hi. I don't know who I am writing it to. No one in particular. I don't even know why I have written this.
I am going to have a shower see if that makes me feel any different. If not then I suppose I can consider Crisis Team. See what they can do.