Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Don't Know What to Do With Myself


I'm really struggling at the moment. I don't know what to do with myself. I am having a Pajama day today and I can't relax. I don't know what to do. I try and watch TV but it is not sinking in. I have tried to read, but I can't concentrate on it. I try and write but my words aren't coming out very well. I keep picking up my phone to call someone but I am not sure who to call. I have been given peoples numbers but I can't do anything about it.

The reason I am struggling? Because I have a plan for in a few days, not tonight. So how do I tell someone that? I can't really can I? The reason I won't do it today is because if I leave it until the day I have planned there is more time that will pass without anyone realising that I am not around. So I know it will work. I need the time. So I can't pick up the phone and say I want to kill myself, but the reason I am calling you and I haven't in the past is because I have a plan and doing it now would go against my plans.

I've just realised I have opened this with Hi. I don't know who I am writing it to. No one in particular. I don't even know why I have written this.

I am going to have a shower see if that makes me feel any different. If not then I suppose I can consider Crisis Team. See what they can do.




Pandora said...

I know the Crisis Teams aren't always brilliant, but please do call them if you possibly can. It has to be worth a try. Wish I could say or do more to help :( I hope you can find a way through this. Please take care. x

Anonymous said...

Hope you feel better after your shower - and do eat something - perhaps take a walk out - its raining here so nobody is around - and maybe you live in an area like mine in which 'nice parts' are rare!

Even so - your still here, your alive - and I'm happy to see that though obviously not happy at your low spirits.

Watch Dexter - its cool.

He is more messed up than us - er, me. I'm more messed up than you!!

So, regards and hope things improve.

I wish you some peace of mind. And pray it may be so.