Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Long Exhale of Breath!

So I am still feeling really down. I don't really know what to do about it.
I have had a manic day where I have not got done what I have needed to get done. I got all messed up as thought I was supposed to be doing something in the afternoon and it was in the morning that i needed to do it so I get a phone call asking where I am so I have a manic rush across town to try and get to the place on time.

Then when I get back I am trying to do uni work, trying to get contracts sorted out and trying to watch my nephew who at the age of 18months is in to EVERYTHING! And having tantrums when you say no. So no uni work got done. I had to go to Doctors this afternoon. I needed stitches taking out and also I needed to see him about my other cut. It's quite infected. So I am on antibiotics for that. It's a massive cut. So I am worried that the infection could get quite bad. Last time I had a wound infection was from when I fell over and cut my knee open...I wound up really ill with the infection and in hospital on IV antibiotics. Also, if the infection doesn't clear up by the weekend I will probably have to have the stitches taken out and it was massive. It would never look right again. My thigh would be all out of shape as of it. I was told by the GP if still red by the weekend need to go see emergency doc. How the hell do I explain having to go in to hospital if I have to again. None of my family know about the self harm. I live at home so it's not as though I can make excuses for not seeing them. I don't know what I am going to do.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. And the stupid thing about this. I still really want to cut!

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