Some Of My Favourite Photos.

 Paris is one of my most favourite places in the world. I have been 4 times and want to go again soon. These are a few of my favourite Paris pictures.

The first place I always go to is Sacre Couer. I just love it there. I love the church the atmosphere and also Montmatre around the back. These photos are Sacre Couer or around Montmatre.










These photos are also of Paris.



This photo was taken in the main Cemetery. I know the name just not how to spell it. I like how I have captured two people walking away with their arms around each other.
















This photo is in a shopping centre in Paris. I love the Christmasyness of it all.
















Notre Dam




Most people when they think of Paris the first thought that comes to mind is the Tour de Eiffel, or in English, The Eiffel Tower. A tower recognised throughout the world.

And Finally of the Paris photos...

I have also been to India a couple of times and these are some from my last trip there in 2009.

 

This was taken on Varkala Beach. If you look closely you can see stray dogs under the sun lounges getting shade from the intensive heat.

This is the beach in Goa. It was a lovely beach and it was quiet as it was out of season when we went.

This was in Kerala on the backwaters. The were beautiful. I like this pic. Especially as I was just holing the camera up and pointing it behind me without looking. It's a shame that I have caught my hair in it also though.











Last year I went travelling around South East Asia. I went to Thailand, Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia.

Although this is not an amazing photo I like it because it was the view from my little hut that I had in Ko Chang.









If you have seen the film The Beach with Leo DiCaprio you may recognise this beach. It was stunning. I would say it's the most beautiful beach I have even been to.










Railay Bay. Thailand















The Temples Surrounding Angkor Wat. Cambodia. Cambodia is the most amazing country I have been to. It amazes me how fast and their resilience to what happened there only 30 years ago. Such a brilliant place.

Vietnam was also an amazing place. They didn't like the Americans very much and the Americans that I met whilst there weren't too keen on Vietnam. However, I have nothing but good experiences (a part from taxi drivers trying to rip me off and arguing with them but that's pretty normal in Asia anyway. Well it was in my experiences). The Vietnamese were incredibly friendly. They would come up to me in restaurants just to talk to me. Another thing I liked about Vietnam was how Asian it was. I went there just after Thailand which I was disappointed with as it seemed to have lost a lot of it's culture and had got very seedy in the 6 years it had been since I had last been there.


Ha Long Bay.














The streets of Hanoi.











This was in Sa Pa. This is a hill region in north Vietnam. The people who lived here had a whole different culture to the rest of the Vietnam and they also had slightly different appearances. It was a lovely place and because it was so high up the change of climate was very welcome from the 40c humidity of the rest of Vietnam.





This is what tubing is. This photo although, not very clear reminds me of a day where I was laughing so much I was in pain. My friend and I were going down the river and we decided to stop at a bar but she didn't get out in time and we ended up miles away from each other. Tubing in Vang Vieng was amazing and I would recommend that although it's not typical Laos, it's so much fun and the scenery is lovely.

I went to Whitby in Yorkshire a few years ago and took so many pictures. These are a few of my favourites.

 

My favourite time of the day is sunset. So, funnily enough I love taking photos of sunsets. I have hundreds of them. Here are just a couple though.
This is at Reading Festival in 2009. I love this picture as it reminds me of summer.

This Photo was taken from Cafe Del Mar in Ibiza. Even though I have done lots of travelling all over the world this sunset was probably the best one I have seen. Cafe Del Mar had a soundtrack to the sunset which was perfect. It was timed to the second with the sun going away and it was amazing!

I don't know where I pulled this photo from. I have forgotten. I think it's a Thailand sunset but I am not sure.

I have got 100's and 1000's of photos. My friends have a nick name for me as I see everything through the lens of a camera. I take 1000's of photos. I wish I had an SLR and could edit. But these are what you see is what you get, I think I may have added a slightly red tint on a couple but I have not edited them.

I hope you like these photos.

xxxx

Muse muse and muse! And memories of the last year!

It's been a year to the day since my world collapsed. It's been a year since I actually questioned my own sanity. OK I know it's not great now but I was made to question it in the way that perhaps things had happened and I wasn't aware of them type way. Today it is a year to the day since I was thrown out of the house I shared with Gom. I left my home. I left my cat. My suicide cat. Gom brought him for me after I first tried to kill myself back in 2007 and I loved him so much but there was no way he could have gone with me as he didn't like other cats and just attacked them when they came near. It's a year to the day since I parked the car in front of the river and nearly drove in to it.

This year has been pretty pants really. Except the 3 months I was away travelling it's been a really crap year. Even when I was travelling though I was thinking of death and suicide. I've had so many emotions in the past year. So many negative ones. Not so many joyful, happy memories. I can probably count my happy memories that I will remember on one hand. I don't even need a whole hand. Yet, the negative ones. Well I need a 100.

One of them is kinda funny in a way and kinda worrying. I'll write it down as I didn't write about it at the time in my diary as by then I had stopped writing about the trip in the diary.

I was in Vang Vieng in Laos...anyone who knows of this place will probably know where this story is already going. Anyone who doesn't well have a look at here here and here (this is probably the best one though). Bare in mind when I went was rainy season and the river flowed slightly faster. I went on the river a few times. Twice of those were with a tube and the other times I swam or had a kids blow up rubber ring. In Vang Vieng places openly sell weed and mushrooms. Either as shakes or as pizza, tea, spliffs etc. I had been with my friend Raq and we did mushrooms and we were fine on them. We just laughed so much. Actually we laughed so much we nearly wet ourselves.

Raq went after a month of travelling with me and I had about 2 weeks left of the end of my trip. Knowing how cheap Laos was and how much fun we had in Vang Vieng I decided I was going to go back there on my own for the final bit of my trip. I had another 10 days there on my own.

One day I went out on the river and got talking to people and hung on to their tube as they went in the tube and I swam along. I decided I was going to get a mushroom/weed shake. It was an all in one. I had had a couple of buckets (basically a kids sandcastle building bucket filled with a small bottle of Lao whiskey which was actually rum with industrial strength red bull, which is banned most places as actually has amphetamines in it. So I got this shake. After sitting in the sun a while watching people do rope swings (see video) etc I felt a tad weird. I got over paranoid as the people I was with hadn't done anything other than a couple of beers. All of a sudden I was tripping. Not in a nice way.

 I knew I needed to get back to the guest house and I knew I couldn't get back in the river. I was on the right side of the river at least so didn't need to get back in the water. From where I was I could see the point where the tuk tuks drop people off to start the tubing. For anyone who has been I was at the mud volley ball bar/shack and they drop you off at the Q bar. It was only a few hundred metres if that. I was managing to hold it together quite well. I knew I needed to walk back. By this point my shoes had broken so I was bare foot. I had to walk back across the fields. It was a tiny path along side a ditch filled with water. I knew where I needed to be going yet my legs weren't really working properly. I was tripping also. I kept seeing things. I have a massive phobia of snakes and I knew that there was a possibility of some being around. I felt as though the sun was melting me. It was hot. I was also dehydrated and I was tripping and had no shoes.

I honestly thought that my skin was peeling off my face as the sun was so hot on me. I was scared as I was also aware that I was tripping and paranoid as of the weed. I was walking across these fields and I could see the farmer watching me from the distance. The path seemed to stop and I had to cross the ditch. I was stood there for what seemed like ages thinking that there was no way I could cross this ditch. It was only about a metre wide and not a big drop or anything. So the farmers could get around they had these wooden planks across them. I needed to use these to cross. They were little bridges. I was starting to panic. Luckily the farmer could see that I was in trouble and took pity on me. He came up to me and took my hand and helped me across these little plank bridges. Finally I made it back to where the tuk tuks were. It must have taken me over an hour to walk so little distance. I thought I was cutting my feet to shreds as of being bare foot and I thought my skin was peeling off my face. I finally got back to the guest house at about 5pm and fell in to my bed. I slept until 11am the next day. I woke up feeling a little groggy but otherwise fine. After this I didn't do mushrooms again for the rest of the trip. Well I haven't done them again since. When I did them with Raq it was amazing. We laughed so much. I thought I would be ok. It wasn't. It was horrible. I remember looking at the mountains at the side of the river and the colours being so vivid. Everything was so sharp. It was like everything was fake. It was not a nice experience.

I went out on the river a couple of days after this. But I decided I wasn't going to do any substances. I was having fun watching people hurt themselves on the swings and slides etc. I wasn't even drunk. I had been in mud bar again. I really liked that bar. I was going back down the wooden ladder/steps and I just dropped. All the way from the top to the bottom. Right on my arse. What stopped me going in to the river was the wooden pole which ended up between my legs. If I had have been a bloke I would have probably have been infertile after. I wouldn't have minded to much if I was pissed but I was sober at this point. I had only had one beer. So on top of the pain I also had the embarrassment of falling. I did decide to drink through the pain. The next day though I could not move. I could not lie on my right side and I struggled to even sit down. That was the last day on the river for me. I spent the rest of my time lying on my left side in bars watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Vang Vieng was also one of the times where I had been on the river and smoked and drank a LOT of weed shakes. I was also very drunk after drinking numerous buckets. I was with Raq. We were on the wrong side of the river and it was starting to get dark. I couldn't get down the river bank to get back in to the river. Raq enlisted the help of a very nice group of people. It was here I started having suicidal thoughts again. Wanting to take advantage of the situation that could so look like an accident. I thought I would be able to get on the river and just drift and maybe drown. I kept trying to get out the tube but they kept shouting at me. I never told Raq what I planned that day.

It was while I was in VV that I started stockpiling the pills to bring home as you don't need anything on prescription over there.

Although I have written about VV here in a bad way. It was one part of the trip that I enjoyed the most. It is an amazing place. Not at all an Asian experience, except from the total disregard for health and safety which is a common thing all over Asia. But it makes the experience that little bit more fun. But everyone in VV has happy. 8/10 also have pink eye. I managed to avoid that one luckily. My injuries from falling down the steps were bad enough thank you. If I had have been in this country I would have gone to the doc as I couldn't move for about a week after falling down the steps. I also had a very painful neck. I just got on with it though and with the help of prescription pain killers, diazepam, and alcohol it was made a little more bearable. If I was here paracetamol just would not have cut it!

Anyway. I appreciate people (if I have anyone who reads this) are probably getting sick of me moaning on about my mental health problems. Well tough! Lol. But I will try and lighten the mood a little and write now and again about my travel experiences. Writing helps me when I am in a bad way. I don't always need to write about how I want to die, how I want to self harm, and general moaning to be distracted so I will try and write more about travel experiences and fun stuff.

So from starting this blog in a horrible way, I think I have lightened the mood a little.

x

A New Year, A New Start.

Thought with this being the last day of the year I would write about this year gone by the low lights and the highlights. If I start off with the low and that will mean I end on a positive note...see I am trying out this whole new being positive thing.

Low Lights -

The nasty break up with Gom - Obs I have written about this loads and it has affected me massively, but I will try and put a positive spin on it and although doesn't feel like it now I know one day I will fall in love with someone else and get over him.

Moving back in with the parents - although it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be I would still rather have my own space. I want to be able to drink when I want, self harm when I want, do what I want and not be tied down.

Being in hospital with an unknown illness for 2 weeks - Nothing that was due to self harm, just incredibly ill with D+V. On the plus side...a great diet! I mean a stone and a half in 10days great kind of diet!

Sinking in to depression and self harm again - If you have read my other posts you will see that I got bad again. To put a positive spin on moving back in with parents, I do actually think had I been living on my own I would have tried killing myself and would have self harmed a lot more than I did. I have not cut deeply since November. I have self harmed but not requiring hospital treatment. The pills the psych has me on, I think are possibly doing some good. I don't feel so bad all the time and I have days that are good days. This is not to say that there are not days where I don't want to get out of bed or feel like crying all day, just that those days are not as often. I seem to have more control over it. Which of course is good news. But, I know I am close, I know push me too much and I will be back over on to the other side. Too much has gone off for me to not be so fragile. I do feel quite guilty saying this. I know there are people out there who have dealt with much worse things than me and it seems as though people should be saying to me "get a grip girl"! I do still want to self harm so much. I am going to try not to though!

I think that is it for low points...I suppose they are pretty big things that have lasted more than one day and are ongoing but it's not that bad really.

Highlights -

Landing in Bangkok on my own - such a sense of freedom going travelling for 3 months. No ties and just the immense feeling of freedom (ok, 2 days later I fell off a motorbike and smashed my knee up pretty badly and got infected which they think it was that making me ill 3 months later but it was worth it!)!

Songkran - Thai New Year. I am not really a fan of new year over here. But in Thailand it happens in April and is basically a 3 day waterfight. Amazing. So much fun. Was dancing on KSR in Bangkok with a water gun firing ice cold water at people. Everyone was in a great mood and even the riots that killed people were stopped for Songkran.

Maya Bay - The Beach. If you have seen the film The Beach, well this was where it was set. To get to it it was a proper expedition. First had to swim about 50metres over rocks and where the waves were hitting the caves and sucking underneath. Then had to climb over the rocks by this rickerty ladder and then down the other side. We then had to walk through jungle before coming out the other side on to The Beach. It was stunning. No beaches I have ever seen have come anywhere near close. I've seen lots of beaches in nice places such as Thailand (ok this is in Thailand but in other areas of Thailand), Goa and everywhere. It was amazing. We were quite lucky also as there were not many other people around even though it's a massive tourist hot spot.

Ko Phi Phi - Lovely island, a little touristy but great vibe to it. Got a drunken tattoo here and had a one night stand with a latin american guy. They do not live up to their reputation as being great lovers! In fact he was pretty crap!

Hugging real life tigers! - They were not drugged just tame. It was amazing. Such powerful animals and also my favourite animal. The experience rated up there with a sky dive I did a few years ago.

Vang Vieng, Laos - Very tourist orientated but lovely place. Where else can you have so much fun. It's an adults adventure playground.

Cambodia - I went to Cambodia about 6 years ago and loved it. I loved everything about it. So I wanted to spend some more time there. I loved it again. I would say it's my favourite country in Asia. I love how resilient it is and how it has recovered after the Khmer Rouge. I love the people, they are so friendly. I love everything about it.

Starting Uni - I came out of my first degree in Psychology not really knowing where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. It took a year of working in a Psychiatric unit for me to decide I wanted to be a social worker. To be honest, when I made the application it was based on the hours. I hated working nights and so did not want to be a nurse. So I chose the Social Work route. However, since actually making the application I have looked in to it more and have decided I would be much better suited to this career. I can't wait to get started in it properly.

Becoming and Aunty for the 2nd time - My second nephew was born just before xmas. He is lovely and looks exactly like his brother. I haven't mentioned his brother in here so far as he was born in 2009 and this is 2010. But I am so lucky that I am able to spend time with my nephews and have them in my life as they are amazing.

So, what do I want from 2011.
- To have a more positive outlook
- To carry on with counselling etc to try and help me with the self harm etc
- To become more healthy. I need to lose some weight and start doing exercise.

I'll just say 3 things as I am not very good when have big lists.

Any way - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!