Krabi and Railay Beach
It wasn't a pleasant journey down to Krabi. Silly me went and lost my train ticket. I think I put it in such as safe place that I forgot where it was. So rather than wait another 3 nights in Bangkok I wanted to get to Krabi as cheap and quickly as possible. That meant by bus. Night bus that they say takes 12 hours. Nice! So I book my ticket and get to the bus.I don't think I have ever been as uncomfortable as that. The person in front of me reclined their seat all the way back so he was basically lying on top of me. No leg room. The bus was packed so everyone was having to sit next to someone. I had a little thai woman who was going on holiday. She was fine, she was about 4 foot nothing. She asked me if I wanted to swap seats as she didn't need the room. She was curled up in her seat! But I had the window seat and didn't want to explain to her I will more than likely be sick if I don't sit next to window so just said I was fine. 12 hours later we get to Surat Thani...I was told I would be in Krabi by now. It is on the opposite coast. So everyone piles off the bus and we had to wait an hour before continuing on the journey. At about 10am we finally get to Krabi where the person tells me it will take another hour or so to get to Railay. Great! So get to the boat bit and have to wade out in the sea to get on the little tiny boat. Not fun when carrying an extra 20 or so kg's in luggage. Finally get to Railay and it all becomes worth it. 18 hours of travel and I am in pure paradise!
I trugged over to the cheap side of Railay and everyone was telling me could not get fan room cheaper than 700BHT so I am thinking I am going to have to treck all the way back over to the other side and move on. But then one helpful person said that was somewhere that did bungalows for 400BHT (50BHT is 1 GBP). So I manage to find it only to discover it is up the steepest steps and very uneven (I later counted there to be 60 steep steps). Managed to get a room with a shared bathroom for 250BHT per night so the climb was worth it. The room on the other hand...well. It was basically a makeshift cabin built on a bamboo scaffolding and the rooms separated by woven bamboo. I had a good 4inch gap under my door and could see daylight through the walls. And you could hear everything from the next rooms...and I mean EVERYTHING! Good job I had my iPod. It was just a matteress on the floor that you had to make sure you tread carefully as felt like you may fall through floorboards. But it was clean and affordable.
I spent 3 nights in Railay beach. The first day I just went to what is known as James Bond beach which is stunning. I have been trying to upload pictures but for some reason I can't. It may just be this internet place but I am quite worried my phone and memory card may have picked up a virus. That night I didn't do much other than have dinner at my guest house and walk to to the other beach for the sunset. On the way I had a shoe cricis and had to wait for the shop to open just to buy a cheap pair of flip flops as they were my last pair. So annoying!
On the second day I spent time on Railay beach itself. I had arranged to meet a girl I met on the way down to Railay so we could discuss going to Ko Phi Phi together and have dinner etc. I also got conked on the head by some falling fruit. I know not to sit under coconut trees and always look out for them. But there I was just about to fall asleep when whack! Some thing about the size of a lemon in a hard shell fell from a tree and it hurt! So I met up with Emma and then we went to watch the fire competition. It was really good. Guys doing things with these sticks that are on fire, they were really skilled. Ended up having an early night again and a nice lie in the next day.
I decided as I was having a major shoe cricis I would go over to Krabi town and see what I could get there. I found Railay to be so expensive like 40BHT for a bottle of water where as in other places it has been about 9BHT. Managed to get there in an hour. Was quite a nice easy journey other than having to wade out to get on the boats again but I was minus bags! Krabi was a horrible place. No feeling to it at all. Managed to get some shoes and a couple of books which I have kept me entertained today. Getting back was a nightmare. Before heading off in to town I saw a sign saying the last boat was was at 17.30 but I ended up getting to the pier at 15.00. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for ages. A few people turned up but there didn't seem to be any boats coming in. At about 4ish a boat came and said it was going to Tonsai beach and I would be able to walk back from there. I didn't want to risk not being able to get back and wasn't prepared to fork out for a boat of my own. So I went on that boat. Although this time the tide was out so I had to walk out to the boat. Ended up slicing my toe on some rocks which still really hurts and I was actually up to my waist in water. Good job I didn't have the bag on me. I get dropped off on the beach and I am told I can either go over the big rock/hill or round it as the tide was out. I opted for going round it as didn't really fancy a jungle trek I was hot enough as it was. Nightmare walk back. It was only about 2 miles but it was such hard work. I was in full sun and trying to pick me way through rocks and coral that were exposed as tide was out. Took a good hour just to walk from one of one beach to where I was going.
That night I decided I was worth having a couple of drinks after my exhausting walk back. Went for dinner with Emma and she said she was going to stick around on Railay longer as she really liked it. So rather than going to phi Phi together she has stayed there and I have come over to Ko Lanta. I did like Railay but was not very backpacker friendly and everything was aimed at 2 week holiday makers with money. Went to this bar where there was open mic night and basically you sing a long to an acoustic set. The Thai guying running the show was awful...sounded like a cat in pain! I can't believe he was paid to sing there he was bad. I had had a couple of beers and loads of other people had been up and had a go and so I thought why not. So I picked Sweet Child O Mine and actually got asked to do encore...yup the thai guy was that bad that people wanted to hear me sing again. So I picked Hotel California. It seemed to go ok but I know that I can't sing so was just a bit of fun making a fool of myself. It's not as though I am going to see those people ever again and have them take the piss out of me for ever!
The beer is strong here. 3 bottles of beer and I definatly felt it this morning! Had Emma knocking on my door as was supposed to meet her for breakfast. That girl had a massive thing about breakfast and talked about it a lot. I was still in bed and just sort of groaned at her! An hour later I had my breakfast of a Tuna Sandwich!
I am on Ko Lanta now and will write again once I have actually done something here!
xxxxx
Showing posts with label thailand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thailand. Show all posts
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
How Time Flies
One year ago today I was packing, unpacking because my bag was faaaar to heavy and packing again. Now really did I NEED the SILK dress for backpacking in SE Asia. Did I NEED the hair straighteners and hair dryer? Well the silk dress came out but the hair dryer and straighteners stayed. I was carted off down to boots as I did not need massive shampoo and conditioners and shower gel and everything else. So my mum took me down to boots and brought me some travel size bottles that I could decant shampoo in to. She told me over and over not to take conditioner but to take leave in. I listened. It was awful. My hair was like straw.
I still took a pair of jeans (in the 3 months I wore them once), my black tulip fit dress (I never wore), black combat trousers (I never wore) about 5 pairs of shoes (which within the first week was whittled down to 1 and had to buy more, a dog stole one shoe of a pair, when I fell off the motorbike I wrecked one pair as the amount of blood that was over them and two pairs of flip flops broke as they were primark crap! I always tend to have shoe crisis' when ever I go anywhere. I am not good with shoes. I have weird feet. They are a funny shape so most shoes I get rub me in places and I walk funny in them so wear out on one side. When I was with Gom we would have endless arguments about my shoes. He always used to say to me make sure you bring comfortable shoes. So I did but after walking a while I would have massive blisters or they would be killing me some how.
I also took over a years supply of tampons. I still have loads left! Why I thought I needed so many who knows. I put them in to a plastic bag which had a tendency to somehow come open and spill them everywhere.
I also had a bra crisis while I was over there going from taking 5 to only coming back with 2. Again that's cheap ASDA bra's for you.
It was one year ago that I said goodbye to my nephew on his first birthday. I wouldn't see him again for 3 months. He was bound to forget me. He was the only one I cried when I said bye to, he was the one I missed the most.
So I am sitting here looking out my window across the park. The leaves are coming on the trees and soon I wont be able to see the house opposite. It also means I don't have to worry about drawing my curtains every time I get changed. At the moment the people walking on the park can probably see in if my light is on, but once the leaves come I can have naked Tuesday's again! Only joking... It was Wednesday! Lol.
As I sit and watch the people amble by I think about what has gone on in the last year. What has changed for the better and what has got worse. I am thinking back to how excited I was about going travelling on my own. My first entry in my diary on 4th April 2010....
I still took a pair of jeans (in the 3 months I wore them once), my black tulip fit dress (I never wore), black combat trousers (I never wore) about 5 pairs of shoes (which within the first week was whittled down to 1 and had to buy more, a dog stole one shoe of a pair, when I fell off the motorbike I wrecked one pair as the amount of blood that was over them and two pairs of flip flops broke as they were primark crap! I always tend to have shoe crisis' when ever I go anywhere. I am not good with shoes. I have weird feet. They are a funny shape so most shoes I get rub me in places and I walk funny in them so wear out on one side. When I was with Gom we would have endless arguments about my shoes. He always used to say to me make sure you bring comfortable shoes. So I did but after walking a while I would have massive blisters or they would be killing me some how.
I also took over a years supply of tampons. I still have loads left! Why I thought I needed so many who knows. I put them in to a plastic bag which had a tendency to somehow come open and spill them everywhere.
I also had a bra crisis while I was over there going from taking 5 to only coming back with 2. Again that's cheap ASDA bra's for you.
It was one year ago that I said goodbye to my nephew on his first birthday. I wouldn't see him again for 3 months. He was bound to forget me. He was the only one I cried when I said bye to, he was the one I missed the most.
So I am sitting here looking out my window across the park. The leaves are coming on the trees and soon I wont be able to see the house opposite. It also means I don't have to worry about drawing my curtains every time I get changed. At the moment the people walking on the park can probably see in if my light is on, but once the leaves come I can have naked Tuesday's again! Only joking... It was Wednesday! Lol.
As I sit and watch the people amble by I think about what has gone on in the last year. What has changed for the better and what has got worse. I am thinking back to how excited I was about going travelling on my own. My first entry in my diary on 4th April 2010....
Sitting in airport in London. Feeling mixed emotions. Still deciding whether or not I'm doing the right thing by going. No backing out now though. Checked in and waiting for flight. Had my first heart stopping moment (the first of many). The check in guy asked if I had a visa for Thailand. I don't. I am lucky I remembered to print off my Air Asia flight confirmation. I thought I wasn't going to be able to go. Got really worried. Well all is ok now at least. Waiting for flight now. In 17or so hours I will be in Bangkok. Then where. Not decided yet!!!!
I remember the song that was playing as I landed in Bangkok (yeah I know you are supposed to not have iPods on but I still had mine on...ooops. I wasn't actually told on that flight). It was Muse, New Born. I felt amazing. I loved not knowing where and when I was going. I loved the freedom I had. I have never had that before. All I had to tie me in was a booked flight 3 weeks later from Phucket to Saigon. The taste of freedom was amazing.
I thought I could run away from everything. Turns out I couldn't. I did start having suicidal thoughts while I was over there. I went a bit mad while I was over there, put my self in stupid situations (like arguing with a a Vietnamese guy who has not taken me to my hotel and dropped me in the middle of no where and I refused to pay him), rented motorbikes when have never ridden one, had unprotected sex and protected one night stands, got tattoo's (well I actually planned one of them the other was because I was a bit pissed and I liked the music the place was playing, not exactly the best reason for a tattoo). I tasted the freedom and I suppose you could say I went too far. I had fun though. Isn't that what matters? I started having the thoughts of suicide about 6 weeks in. Thinking and making plans not to go back. Stocking up on Temazepam, Zopiclone, Diazepam, Diclofenac anything I could get over counter. Taking 20mg of diazepam and 15mg of zopiclone most days. And drinking shit loads. Scary amounts. Tried mushrooms, the first time...loads of fun, second time; never again. Buying weed off some back street guy in Phnomn Penh...risky stuff. Maybe it's me reading too much in to it. Maybe it's just me who was given that freedom and I took it. OK, I did some silly things but did I not just do what any person going travelling on their own for the first time would do?
So. A year later. My oldest nephew is now 2. 2 today. He's lovely. I also have another nephew now. I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant about a week in to my trip. And now. A 3 month old baby. He's cute.
I do wish I could go back in time a year. Have my whole 3 month trip ahead of me. Not be dealing with all this in my head. I wonder if I would have gone about things differently. I wonder if things would have still worked out the same if I had known what was coming. I always think that. "If I could just go back in time by...". I wonder what would be different. Would anything change. I think I would have ended it with Gom on my own terms if I knew what was coming. Not be the one who was the one people feel sorry for. Not have it end like it did. I can't blame him for what I am feeling and doing now. It's just the way things are. I don't know how much of it is behavioural if we look at the behaviour, medical disease approach. I don't know.
Nurseman Mike would seem to think it is. He kept saying things like "it's your choice". Maybe it is. Maybe though sometimes I don't feel like I have a choice. Sometimes I can't help but self harm, or try to kill myself. Maybe at first it was. Maybe at first I could have rationalised and said to my self "stop right there, hang on, what are you doing? If you take all those Diazepam it is going to start a spiral of self harm". Maybe I had the choice then. But now I feel as though it has gone beyond it. Obviously it is my choice on what I choose to say to the Psychiatrist and everyone else about how I am feeling. Part of me knows if I am not honest then how do I expect to be helped. A lot of it is because I am so bloody scared of the outcomes. I suppose that's my choice isn't it?
I am not a big fan of the behaviourist approach. In a way I would rather be diagnosed with bi-polar or similar than it be coping mechanisms, or what ever. Bi-polar can be treated with medication. I am sorry if I am making bi-polar look to be a nicer thing. I know to people diagnosed with it they are probably wanting to shout and scream at me for wanting to be diagnosed with it. I know you probably feel that you don't want the diagnosis. Nor do I. I don't want to be ill. I don't want to be like this. But. I am. And I would rather they label it as something I see as more of a medical than behavioural thing. Does that make sense?
However I say that. I had a stern chat with one of my clients the other day "Marie, it's your choice. You say you want your kids back but you are the one who is choosing to go and get pissed most nights and not have anyone able to track you down. It's your choice whether or not you see your social worker but you need to work with us and not against us as on your own you are making the wrong decisions". I said to her all this behaviourist stuff. What's that about? Is it just that I don't want to see my own thing as a behavioural issue as if I do that then I can't put blame on to anyone or anything. You know if it's medical then I can blame my brain for not functioning properly. If it's behavioural I have no one to take any ownessis away from me. Nothing. That's probably it then isn't it. Also in terms of getting better. If it's medical, give me drugs. If it's behavioural...it's bloody hard work, hard work that I have to do and I don't have the energy for it!
Anyway, back on to time. It's now spring. It's averaging about 15c. It doesn't seem 2 minutes ago since it was -15c at it's worst here. Brrrrr.
I can't believe how in a year I have gone from being quite positive and optimisitic about things such as going travelling to being like I am now. All the same issues were there a year ago. So why am I like I am now. Infact I should have been worse a year ago as the break up was still raw. I've had a year to get over him. I am getting there. I don't feel so much hate towards Gom and LD now. I think that is because I am getting used to it. I am getting used to the idea that she lives there. I know when I find out she's pregnant or something like that that will hurt and I will probably be thrown in to a deep cycle again. But I feel ok-ish about it now. I think partly because I have seen her most recent profile picture and she looks like a DOG! Ok I know slightly bitchy? But I am allowed to aren't I?
So much has gone on in the last year. Out of 12 months I have probably spent close to 1 month of that in hospital. 2 weeks were to do with my knee but I have probably spent more than a week in as of self harm and suicide attempts or the resulting infection.
Uni is good. I enjoy placement but I do have my concerns. I am worried about written work. Especially now Sam has questionned my fitness for the course. It's made me question it. I do wonder if I am deluding myself about it. I have questionned myself so many times over it. I know I just need to keep on with it. I am passing and that is what matters. Ok, it's not what I would like but the way things are it looks like I will get my Masters. I know I have another year at it but things seem to be going ok. Uni are happy with me. I should stop being so hard on myself I suppose.
I am dreading tomorrow. I have to tell me practice educator about what has been going on. I don't want it coming out at mid point review in the week and it being the first she has heard about it. So explanations tomorrow. JOY!
I think tomorrow will be a hard day for me as it does mark a year since the day I went away. A day I remember being full knowing what freedom I had. I don't have that anymore.
Oh and incase you were wondering, if you have got this far...my nephew did remember me. The day after I got back my mum was looking after him. I went downstairs. He was in his high chair having breakfast. He looked at me. Stared at me for a second not quite sure then all of a sudden he squeeled with laughter and put his arms up to come to me. Awwwww, it makes me emotional thinking about it.
And the other ending point...no naked days happen, nor naked weeks, months, hours or anything. Lol. Of course I shower and get dressed but I don't refer to anything as "naked..."
xxxxx
Monday, 14 February 2011
Falling Off Motorbikes (and more fun).
First off I say motorbike but it was more of a scooter/moped but motorbike seems so much cooler and not as pathetic.
So I was in Thailand. It was only my 2nd full day there. The night before I had decided to rent one from the guest house I was staying at. I had never ridden one before. I took it out to go see the sunset and was fine on it. It was like riding a bike. I was a bit nervous when massive trucks overtook me and gave me a little wobble. But after a while I was going at the speed limits of the road having quickly gained confidence as it was so bloody easy. Before this I had only ever been on a bike of the motorised variety once. That was 6 years previous and on the back of someone elses...in Bangkok. But here I was in a tiny town a couple of hours north of Bangkok.
So on this day I had got up earlyish and decided to go around the temples. I gathered in my wanting to save money rather than hiring a tuk tuk for the day it would be cheaper for me to rent my own bike. And, it was a reasonably quiet town, nothing like Bangkok. It was scary enough being on the back of one never mind trying to negotiate the traffic of Bangkok on one. I had been to a cafe for the most disgusting food in the world. The consistency was like a runny jelly (for any Americans Jello) without the blobs. It was horrid but it was the only place open. So a little less than ravenous more just like hungry I set out again. I had ridden around a few temples not really looking where I was going. Just going for a ride about. I decided to go down one road that turned in to more of a dirt track. I slowed down loads as was a bit bumpy. I realised it was a dead end and knew I needed to turn around. Having got quite complacent on the bike I thought I would be able to do it all in one go. Apparently not. The turning circle on the thing was much wider than I expected (I thought it would be just like a normal cycle). There was a mini-van parked up and I thought "shit I'm going to hit it". So I turned the handle bars a little more and braked. I braked in the wrong order as my front wheel stopped and my back kept on going. I also caught the throttle at the same time. Result. Threw me off just in front of the mini-van.
"Crap the bike! I've signed a disclaimer saying any damage I have to pay for, shit shit shit"! So I picked the bike up and put it up right. "What's all that over the bike. I hope I've not torn a fluid pipe or something. Where the hell is all that fluid coming from"? I look down at myself. "Shit, I've ripped my trousers, these were new on today and I have not brought any other cropped trousers with me and I can't afford to be buying clothes"! Then I looked at my knee. "Oh dear, that needs looking at". "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, i just saw what happened are you ok"? Said the English raised Thai girl who jumped out the van. "Errrr...I think I may need some stitches in my knee". She looked "you need more than that girl, I'm calling you an ambulance"! I looked at my knee again. It looked as though I had pushed my knee cap in to my leg and displaced it. It didn't hurt at all though. She then saw my hand. It was kind of spurting blood from my palm. "Look at your hand, here put this on it (*handed me a wad of tissues)". That be what the "fluid" all over the bike was then. Oops. I looked over the bike and saw I had scratched it quite badly. "Shit".
"I'm calling an ambulance" she said.
"Don't you bloody dare, I know where the hospital is (I notice things like that as I am kinda accident prone) I'll ride there". She took the keys out the ignition.
"Not a chance".
"Not a chance you are getting me in an ambulance". I wasn't thinking of my injuries. I was thinking of the bike. I wasn't going to leave it there. I didn't know where I was. It could have been stolen or anything. I was also thinking what an ambulance would cost me out of my budget. NO WAY was I going to be getting in some ambulance.
"Fine, I am calling the police then".
"No, no no. I can ride there. I am not losing that much blood, really, I work with people who self harm, I've seen worse, look it's fine (*removing tissues and it had slowed to a fast pouring now. It was slowing. I was happy). Ummm, maybe I should go to the hospital".
"I am calling the police".
By now a few people had gathered to look at the stupid white girl. I called them SWG moments where I had done something that caused people to look at me and think..."ahhhh another western tourist, stupid silly girl"!
The police showed up on their equivalents of blues which was actually reds. By now they had moved me away from the bike and got me sitting down raising my hand and leg. I was sat at the top of some steps in the shade. Next thing I know the police man is taking photos of me. No "hello, what have we here then", no "how are you". Just snap happy on his camera. Nice. Nice to know that this whole debacle is being made proof of in their history.
"You need an ambulance".
"No I don't and I am not going on one, I know where the hospital is I will ride the bike there and then I can ride it back to the guest house".
*Laughing "no chance. We are not letting you get back on that bike".
"Pleeeeeeease" *like a sulky child.
"Ok, we take you to hospital".
"No, the bike, I am not leaving it. I don't know where I am. I am bad with directions and I will never find it again (I had actually lost my hotel the night before. I was in the wrong area, first I got the name of it completely wrong called it it Saaaaaaaun Baaaaaahn...so asking local Thai people where it was. Then to be told it was Buan Suan with the pronunciation having to be exactly right or they still didn't have a clue. In the end I paid someone to follow them on their bike...turns out I had been up and down my own road about 5 times...I was looking on the wrong side of the road).
"Errrrr. OK. We get police to take bike back to police station, will you please then go in ambulance".
"No, I am not letting the bike leave my sight". You hear so much of police corruption and I was kind of delirious by now.
"Ok, we take you in car. We follow policeman back to station. You can see bike in station then we take you to the hospital".
Realising I am not going to win on this one and they won't let me take the bike myself
"OK, fine"!
So I got in the back of the lovely air conditioned police car being really careful not to get blood on much. I would say anything but by this point I was covered. The police took me to the station showed me the bike parked and locked up. I could relax a bit now. All the time though they were taking random pictures of me and smiling and laughing at me.
So they park up at the front of the hospital. I am walked in by them. At first the nurse doesn't really look at me and gestures for the police to take me else where. She then sees that maybe, I could do with being seen to quickly. Either that or they thought "ummmm money maker"! I was led in to what was like a massive operating theatre but with more than one bed. There were about 10 beds. All of a sudden about 10 people ascended on me. Nurses and doctors from every direction. I was a bit unsure as to what was going on. They started squirting stuff at the wound and it was hurting like hell now. A doctor then came and talked to me. He said what they were going to do and talked me through it. I wasn't aware he was a doctor. I thought he was just some English speaking dude type translator guy they managed to find quickly. It was only after about an hour I discovered he was a doctor. I was so surprised. Here the docs see you then go and he had spent all this time with me. They numbed up my knee and scrubbed it out. They actually scrubbed it. It makes me feel sick thinking of it. I would have thought they would have got tweezers and picked the gravel out...there was a lot in there but they seemed to scrub it. They spent about an hour sorting my knee out. Internal stitches and external ones. No x-ray though. They then went to work on my hand. They scrubbed that also. They didn't just use saline either. They used some kind of disinfectant wash. I remember lying there looking up at the operating lights and they were covered in dust. Not just a small amount but cobwebs and layers of the stuff. Kinda worrying. The nurses were all pristine though. I wonder how many changes of clothes that they make a day as they were dressed all in white and it was white white. Definitely been using Daz!
All this time I still had about 3 police officers with me. Taking photos every now and again also. When I first got to the hospital there was only 2 of them but they called another one in. It was a woman. I am not sure if they thought I would want a woman there or if they thought..."lets get *insert name here to come and look how funny this whole situation is". I must have been on that table nearly 2 hours. I wasn't in pain anymore as of the anaesthetic but I was starting to worry about how much the hospital bill would come to. How much the bike was going to cost me.
I was told that I needed to have a course of antibiotics and they also prescribed me some painkillers and that I needed to go back to the hospital every day for 10 days to have the dressings changed and the wounds cleaned (like I was going to do that. My plan, go back one day, see how and what they do, go to the pharmacy and do it myself). The wheeled me out of the treatment area on a trolley bed and the police woman said I needed to pay and she would go and sort it for me. She came back to me with the price and said it was going to cost 1000BHT which was around £20. *Relief! So I gave her my bank card and off she trotted. I was waiting ages. I was starting to get worried. She came back and said she had sorted the prescription out but I needed to put my PIN in so that it could be paid. So I went off with her and the other two police men. I was the only foreign person in the hospital. Everyone else was local. I was being stared at by everyone. To make things worse I was being escorted by 3 policepeople so to them it may have looked as though I had done something wrong. I was also in torn clothes and covered in blood. A bit of a social faux pas in Thailand. You don't wear ripped revealing clothes and you make sure you look reasonably ok. I was still having my picture taken. They must have had over 100 by now! They then gave the camera to one of the locals and asked me to pose with the three of them. So somewhere out there is an awful picture of me with 3 policepeople. I wished I had got them to take one on mine, just so I would have the awful memory also. As much as I was worrying I couldn't help but see the funny side in all of this. After all this was me...Miss Accident. Miss Falls Over When Standing Up Right, Not Drunk/Stoned.
I decided to ask them why they were taking so many pictures. With a smile I was told it was for their boss so that they could document what they had done and what I was like. Yeah right!
The police were amazing. They really were. You hear so many stories about corrupt police in Thailand. About how they are unfair etc etc. But these guys were lovely. They may have been taking the piss out of me but it was all in good fun. I didn't expect them to stay with me. I thought they would dump me at the hospital, I would have to wait hours to be seen and not know anything that was going on. But both the police and the medical staff were top! How much time they spent with me making sure I was ok and that I understood everything. Ok, medically they probably missed quite a bit. I think here if you fell off like I did they would have checked things like my head and neck...(oh yeah I had taken the helmet off at this point also as it was making my head sweaty and it was too big! Clever aren't I, riding around on a motorbike with no experience of ever riding one and not even wearing a helmet) possibly sending me for x-rays to ensure I hadn't got anything in my knee etc etc. But I was happy with what I received. If I had any pains anywhere I would have mentioned it anyway.
So the police then said they would take me back to the guest house. Can you imagine the embarrassment. Walking in to your guesthouse with 3 police officers. GH Owner just looked at me and the police in utter shock. They had a conversation in Thai which obs I didn't understand. All I could do was apologise over, and over and over. GH Owner seemed really pissed off and not happy with me. I was quite upset. He said in a stern way "you pay for any damage, you signed contract". So here I am thinking he is going to con me here. This is another con I have heard of where they massively overcharge you for damage. So I was thinking this is going to cost me a couple of hundred quid. I am on my own. I don't know the country that well and I was starting to worry. He then said he was going to go get the bike which he was really pissed off at and did nothing to hide his emotions from me. After an hour or so he got back. "Bike it very scratched". I agreed and said I was sorry again and again. "You pay 150BHT".
"What? That is like £3. Of course I'll pay you that. I am so so so sorry."
I think he took pity on me. I think the police probably had a word also.
I went back to the hospital the next day to have the wounds dressed and cleaned. It cost £4. I thought no way am I coming back to the hospital every day for the next 10 days to be subjected to some kind of acid poured on and paying for the privilege. So as soon as I left the hospital I went to the pharmacy across the road and brought things like antiseptic wipes, inadine and dressings. I then went to the Tesco...yes Tesco across the road had a look around. For some strange reason I really like Tesco. Even if it is taking over the world. I like it. Sad aren't I?
It did become quite painful my knee. The guest house I was staying in had really small toilets and it was so painful going to the loo as I had to sit with my knee bent. To be comfortable I needed to have it outstretched. So peeing was rather painful!
I suppose I didn't really look after the wound properly. 3 months later once I was home I had cellulitis and the infection had got in to my blood. It put me in hospital for 12 nights and off work for a month as I was quite ill. I was quite lucky while I was away as only affected me for a few days at a time. It wasn't until right at the end of my trip on the last night that I became quite ill. I turned the air con off, had 2 layers of clothes on and all the blankets i could find in the room and I was still cold. The flight home was a nightmare and my knee was painful. I got home and I was ok after a couple of days. But the wound still hadn't healed properly so I went to my GP who sent me for an x-ray. Nothing in it. 2 weeks to the day after getting home I was admitted in to the hospital as my temperature had spiked and I was ill. It was my own fault though. I took my own stitches out and then was swimming in the sea, swimming pools, waterfalls and rivers. At first they thought some parasite had got in to me as of where I had been. But in the end they put it down to the infection. I was so lucky that the whole incident didn't ruin my trip and that I didn't get really ill while I was out there as I can't imagine being in hospital would have been a ball of laughs over there. Not that it was here but at least I had people visiting me.
Did it put me off getting bikes. Well. I decided I needed to get over my fear of them as I knew once I got to Vietnam that I would be needing to get around on taxi bikes everywhere as is cheapest way. So I rented another. Was it without problems? No!!!! But that is another story I will add at another time.
I just want to add here as a footnote. It may seem as though I was being quite prejudiced against these people. However, I had been to Thailand before and it does seem as though everyone tries to con you in some way and make money out of you. So that's why I was being over careful about things.
So I was in Thailand. It was only my 2nd full day there. The night before I had decided to rent one from the guest house I was staying at. I had never ridden one before. I took it out to go see the sunset and was fine on it. It was like riding a bike. I was a bit nervous when massive trucks overtook me and gave me a little wobble. But after a while I was going at the speed limits of the road having quickly gained confidence as it was so bloody easy. Before this I had only ever been on a bike of the motorised variety once. That was 6 years previous and on the back of someone elses...in Bangkok. But here I was in a tiny town a couple of hours north of Bangkok.
So on this day I had got up earlyish and decided to go around the temples. I gathered in my wanting to save money rather than hiring a tuk tuk for the day it would be cheaper for me to rent my own bike. And, it was a reasonably quiet town, nothing like Bangkok. It was scary enough being on the back of one never mind trying to negotiate the traffic of Bangkok on one. I had been to a cafe for the most disgusting food in the world. The consistency was like a runny jelly (for any Americans Jello) without the blobs. It was horrid but it was the only place open. So a little less than ravenous more just like hungry I set out again. I had ridden around a few temples not really looking where I was going. Just going for a ride about. I decided to go down one road that turned in to more of a dirt track. I slowed down loads as was a bit bumpy. I realised it was a dead end and knew I needed to turn around. Having got quite complacent on the bike I thought I would be able to do it all in one go. Apparently not. The turning circle on the thing was much wider than I expected (I thought it would be just like a normal cycle). There was a mini-van parked up and I thought "shit I'm going to hit it". So I turned the handle bars a little more and braked. I braked in the wrong order as my front wheel stopped and my back kept on going. I also caught the throttle at the same time. Result. Threw me off just in front of the mini-van.
"Crap the bike! I've signed a disclaimer saying any damage I have to pay for, shit shit shit"! So I picked the bike up and put it up right. "What's all that over the bike. I hope I've not torn a fluid pipe or something. Where the hell is all that fluid coming from"? I look down at myself. "Shit, I've ripped my trousers, these were new on today and I have not brought any other cropped trousers with me and I can't afford to be buying clothes"! Then I looked at my knee. "Oh dear, that needs looking at". "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, i just saw what happened are you ok"? Said the English raised Thai girl who jumped out the van. "Errrr...I think I may need some stitches in my knee". She looked "you need more than that girl, I'm calling you an ambulance"! I looked at my knee again. It looked as though I had pushed my knee cap in to my leg and displaced it. It didn't hurt at all though. She then saw my hand. It was kind of spurting blood from my palm. "Look at your hand, here put this on it (*handed me a wad of tissues)". That be what the "fluid" all over the bike was then. Oops. I looked over the bike and saw I had scratched it quite badly. "Shit".
"I'm calling an ambulance" she said.
"Don't you bloody dare, I know where the hospital is (I notice things like that as I am kinda accident prone) I'll ride there". She took the keys out the ignition.
"Not a chance".
"Not a chance you are getting me in an ambulance". I wasn't thinking of my injuries. I was thinking of the bike. I wasn't going to leave it there. I didn't know where I was. It could have been stolen or anything. I was also thinking what an ambulance would cost me out of my budget. NO WAY was I going to be getting in some ambulance.
"Fine, I am calling the police then".
"No, no no. I can ride there. I am not losing that much blood, really, I work with people who self harm, I've seen worse, look it's fine (*removing tissues and it had slowed to a fast pouring now. It was slowing. I was happy). Ummm, maybe I should go to the hospital".
"I am calling the police".
By now a few people had gathered to look at the stupid white girl. I called them SWG moments where I had done something that caused people to look at me and think..."ahhhh another western tourist, stupid silly girl"!
The police showed up on their equivalents of blues which was actually reds. By now they had moved me away from the bike and got me sitting down raising my hand and leg. I was sat at the top of some steps in the shade. Next thing I know the police man is taking photos of me. No "hello, what have we here then", no "how are you". Just snap happy on his camera. Nice. Nice to know that this whole debacle is being made proof of in their history.
"You need an ambulance".
"No I don't and I am not going on one, I know where the hospital is I will ride the bike there and then I can ride it back to the guest house".
*Laughing "no chance. We are not letting you get back on that bike".
"Pleeeeeeease" *like a sulky child.
"Ok, we take you to hospital".
"No, the bike, I am not leaving it. I don't know where I am. I am bad with directions and I will never find it again (I had actually lost my hotel the night before. I was in the wrong area, first I got the name of it completely wrong called it it Saaaaaaaun Baaaaaahn...so asking local Thai people where it was. Then to be told it was Buan Suan with the pronunciation having to be exactly right or they still didn't have a clue. In the end I paid someone to follow them on their bike...turns out I had been up and down my own road about 5 times...I was looking on the wrong side of the road).
"Errrrr. OK. We get police to take bike back to police station, will you please then go in ambulance".
"No, I am not letting the bike leave my sight". You hear so much of police corruption and I was kind of delirious by now.
"Ok, we take you in car. We follow policeman back to station. You can see bike in station then we take you to the hospital".
Realising I am not going to win on this one and they won't let me take the bike myself
"OK, fine"!
So I got in the back of the lovely air conditioned police car being really careful not to get blood on much. I would say anything but by this point I was covered. The police took me to the station showed me the bike parked and locked up. I could relax a bit now. All the time though they were taking random pictures of me and smiling and laughing at me.
So they park up at the front of the hospital. I am walked in by them. At first the nurse doesn't really look at me and gestures for the police to take me else where. She then sees that maybe, I could do with being seen to quickly. Either that or they thought "ummmm money maker"! I was led in to what was like a massive operating theatre but with more than one bed. There were about 10 beds. All of a sudden about 10 people ascended on me. Nurses and doctors from every direction. I was a bit unsure as to what was going on. They started squirting stuff at the wound and it was hurting like hell now. A doctor then came and talked to me. He said what they were going to do and talked me through it. I wasn't aware he was a doctor. I thought he was just some English speaking dude type translator guy they managed to find quickly. It was only after about an hour I discovered he was a doctor. I was so surprised. Here the docs see you then go and he had spent all this time with me. They numbed up my knee and scrubbed it out. They actually scrubbed it. It makes me feel sick thinking of it. I would have thought they would have got tweezers and picked the gravel out...there was a lot in there but they seemed to scrub it. They spent about an hour sorting my knee out. Internal stitches and external ones. No x-ray though. They then went to work on my hand. They scrubbed that also. They didn't just use saline either. They used some kind of disinfectant wash. I remember lying there looking up at the operating lights and they were covered in dust. Not just a small amount but cobwebs and layers of the stuff. Kinda worrying. The nurses were all pristine though. I wonder how many changes of clothes that they make a day as they were dressed all in white and it was white white. Definitely been using Daz!
All this time I still had about 3 police officers with me. Taking photos every now and again also. When I first got to the hospital there was only 2 of them but they called another one in. It was a woman. I am not sure if they thought I would want a woman there or if they thought..."lets get *insert name here to come and look how funny this whole situation is". I must have been on that table nearly 2 hours. I wasn't in pain anymore as of the anaesthetic but I was starting to worry about how much the hospital bill would come to. How much the bike was going to cost me.
I was told that I needed to have a course of antibiotics and they also prescribed me some painkillers and that I needed to go back to the hospital every day for 10 days to have the dressings changed and the wounds cleaned (like I was going to do that. My plan, go back one day, see how and what they do, go to the pharmacy and do it myself). The wheeled me out of the treatment area on a trolley bed and the police woman said I needed to pay and she would go and sort it for me. She came back to me with the price and said it was going to cost 1000BHT which was around £20. *Relief! So I gave her my bank card and off she trotted. I was waiting ages. I was starting to get worried. She came back and said she had sorted the prescription out but I needed to put my PIN in so that it could be paid. So I went off with her and the other two police men. I was the only foreign person in the hospital. Everyone else was local. I was being stared at by everyone. To make things worse I was being escorted by 3 policepeople so to them it may have looked as though I had done something wrong. I was also in torn clothes and covered in blood. A bit of a social faux pas in Thailand. You don't wear ripped revealing clothes and you make sure you look reasonably ok. I was still having my picture taken. They must have had over 100 by now! They then gave the camera to one of the locals and asked me to pose with the three of them. So somewhere out there is an awful picture of me with 3 policepeople. I wished I had got them to take one on mine, just so I would have the awful memory also. As much as I was worrying I couldn't help but see the funny side in all of this. After all this was me...Miss Accident. Miss Falls Over When Standing Up Right, Not Drunk/Stoned.
I decided to ask them why they were taking so many pictures. With a smile I was told it was for their boss so that they could document what they had done and what I was like. Yeah right!
The police were amazing. They really were. You hear so many stories about corrupt police in Thailand. About how they are unfair etc etc. But these guys were lovely. They may have been taking the piss out of me but it was all in good fun. I didn't expect them to stay with me. I thought they would dump me at the hospital, I would have to wait hours to be seen and not know anything that was going on. But both the police and the medical staff were top! How much time they spent with me making sure I was ok and that I understood everything. Ok, medically they probably missed quite a bit. I think here if you fell off like I did they would have checked things like my head and neck...(oh yeah I had taken the helmet off at this point also as it was making my head sweaty and it was too big! Clever aren't I, riding around on a motorbike with no experience of ever riding one and not even wearing a helmet) possibly sending me for x-rays to ensure I hadn't got anything in my knee etc etc. But I was happy with what I received. If I had any pains anywhere I would have mentioned it anyway.
So the police then said they would take me back to the guest house. Can you imagine the embarrassment. Walking in to your guesthouse with 3 police officers. GH Owner just looked at me and the police in utter shock. They had a conversation in Thai which obs I didn't understand. All I could do was apologise over, and over and over. GH Owner seemed really pissed off and not happy with me. I was quite upset. He said in a stern way "you pay for any damage, you signed contract". So here I am thinking he is going to con me here. This is another con I have heard of where they massively overcharge you for damage. So I was thinking this is going to cost me a couple of hundred quid. I am on my own. I don't know the country that well and I was starting to worry. He then said he was going to go get the bike which he was really pissed off at and did nothing to hide his emotions from me. After an hour or so he got back. "Bike it very scratched". I agreed and said I was sorry again and again. "You pay 150BHT".
"What? That is like £3. Of course I'll pay you that. I am so so so sorry."
I think he took pity on me. I think the police probably had a word also.
I went back to the hospital the next day to have the wounds dressed and cleaned. It cost £4. I thought no way am I coming back to the hospital every day for the next 10 days to be subjected to some kind of acid poured on and paying for the privilege. So as soon as I left the hospital I went to the pharmacy across the road and brought things like antiseptic wipes, inadine and dressings. I then went to the Tesco...yes Tesco across the road had a look around. For some strange reason I really like Tesco. Even if it is taking over the world. I like it. Sad aren't I?
It did become quite painful my knee. The guest house I was staying in had really small toilets and it was so painful going to the loo as I had to sit with my knee bent. To be comfortable I needed to have it outstretched. So peeing was rather painful!
I suppose I didn't really look after the wound properly. 3 months later once I was home I had cellulitis and the infection had got in to my blood. It put me in hospital for 12 nights and off work for a month as I was quite ill. I was quite lucky while I was away as only affected me for a few days at a time. It wasn't until right at the end of my trip on the last night that I became quite ill. I turned the air con off, had 2 layers of clothes on and all the blankets i could find in the room and I was still cold. The flight home was a nightmare and my knee was painful. I got home and I was ok after a couple of days. But the wound still hadn't healed properly so I went to my GP who sent me for an x-ray. Nothing in it. 2 weeks to the day after getting home I was admitted in to the hospital as my temperature had spiked and I was ill. It was my own fault though. I took my own stitches out and then was swimming in the sea, swimming pools, waterfalls and rivers. At first they thought some parasite had got in to me as of where I had been. But in the end they put it down to the infection. I was so lucky that the whole incident didn't ruin my trip and that I didn't get really ill while I was out there as I can't imagine being in hospital would have been a ball of laughs over there. Not that it was here but at least I had people visiting me.
Did it put me off getting bikes. Well. I decided I needed to get over my fear of them as I knew once I got to Vietnam that I would be needing to get around on taxi bikes everywhere as is cheapest way. So I rented another. Was it without problems? No!!!! But that is another story I will add at another time.
I just want to add here as a footnote. It may seem as though I was being quite prejudiced against these people. However, I had been to Thailand before and it does seem as though everyone tries to con you in some way and make money out of you. So that's why I was being over careful about things.
Friday, 31 December 2010
A New Year, A New Start.
Thought with this being the last day of the year I would write about this year gone by the low lights and the highlights. If I start off with the low and that will mean I end on a positive note...see I am trying out this whole new being positive thing.
Low Lights -
The nasty break up with Gom - Obs I have written about this loads and it has affected me massively, but I will try and put a positive spin on it and although doesn't feel like it now I know one day I will fall in love with someone else and get over him.
Moving back in with the parents - although it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be I would still rather have my own space. I want to be able to drink when I want, self harm when I want, do what I want and not be tied down.
Being in hospital with an unknown illness for 2 weeks - Nothing that was due to self harm, just incredibly ill with D+V. On the plus side...a great diet! I mean a stone and a half in 10days great kind of diet!
Sinking in to depression and self harm again - If you have read my other posts you will see that I got bad again. To put a positive spin on moving back in with parents, I do actually think had I been living on my own I would have tried killing myself and would have self harmed a lot more than I did. I have not cut deeply since November. I have self harmed but not requiring hospital treatment. The pills the psych has me on, I think are possibly doing some good. I don't feel so bad all the time and I have days that are good days. This is not to say that there are not days where I don't want to get out of bed or feel like crying all day, just that those days are not as often. I seem to have more control over it. Which of course is good news. But, I know I am close, I know push me too much and I will be back over on to the other side. Too much has gone off for me to not be so fragile. I do feel quite guilty saying this. I know there are people out there who have dealt with much worse things than me and it seems as though people should be saying to me "get a grip girl"! I do still want to self harm so much. I am going to try not to though!
I think that is it for low points...I suppose they are pretty big things that have lasted more than one day and are ongoing but it's not that bad really.
Highlights -
Landing in Bangkok on my own - such a sense of freedom going travelling for 3 months. No ties and just the immense feeling of freedom (ok, 2 days later I fell off a motorbike and smashed my knee up pretty badly and got infected which they think it was that making me ill 3 months later but it was worth it!)!
Songkran - Thai New Year. I am not really a fan of new year over here. But in Thailand it happens in April and is basically a 3 day waterfight. Amazing. So much fun. Was dancing on KSR in Bangkok with a water gun firing ice cold water at people. Everyone was in a great mood and even the riots that killed people were stopped for Songkran.
Maya Bay - The Beach. If you have seen the film The Beach, well this was where it was set. To get to it it was a proper expedition. First had to swim about 50metres over rocks and where the waves were hitting the caves and sucking underneath. Then had to climb over the rocks by this rickerty ladder and then down the other side. We then had to walk through jungle before coming out the other side on to The Beach. It was stunning. No beaches I have ever seen have come anywhere near close. I've seen lots of beaches in nice places such as Thailand (ok this is in Thailand but in other areas of Thailand), Goa and everywhere. It was amazing. We were quite lucky also as there were not many other people around even though it's a massive tourist hot spot.
Ko Phi Phi - Lovely island, a little touristy but great vibe to it. Got a drunken tattoo here and had a one night stand with a latin american guy. They do not live up to their reputation as being great lovers! In fact he was pretty crap!
Hugging real life tigers! - They were not drugged just tame. It was amazing. Such powerful animals and also my favourite animal. The experience rated up there with a sky dive I did a few years ago.
Vang Vieng, Laos - Very tourist orientated but lovely place. Where else can you have so much fun. It's an adults adventure playground.
Cambodia - I went to Cambodia about 6 years ago and loved it. I loved everything about it. So I wanted to spend some more time there. I loved it again. I would say it's my favourite country in Asia. I love how resilient it is and how it has recovered after the Khmer Rouge. I love the people, they are so friendly. I love everything about it.
Starting Uni - I came out of my first degree in Psychology not really knowing where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. It took a year of working in a Psychiatric unit for me to decide I wanted to be a social worker. To be honest, when I made the application it was based on the hours. I hated working nights and so did not want to be a nurse. So I chose the Social Work route. However, since actually making the application I have looked in to it more and have decided I would be much better suited to this career. I can't wait to get started in it properly.
Becoming and Aunty for the 2nd time - My second nephew was born just before xmas. He is lovely and looks exactly like his brother. I haven't mentioned his brother in here so far as he was born in 2009 and this is 2010. But I am so lucky that I am able to spend time with my nephews and have them in my life as they are amazing.
So, what do I want from 2011.
- To have a more positive outlook
- To carry on with counselling etc to try and help me with the self harm etc
- To become more healthy. I need to lose some weight and start doing exercise.
I'll just say 3 things as I am not very good when have big lists.
Any way - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!
Low Lights -
The nasty break up with Gom - Obs I have written about this loads and it has affected me massively, but I will try and put a positive spin on it and although doesn't feel like it now I know one day I will fall in love with someone else and get over him.
Moving back in with the parents - although it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be I would still rather have my own space. I want to be able to drink when I want, self harm when I want, do what I want and not be tied down.
Being in hospital with an unknown illness for 2 weeks - Nothing that was due to self harm, just incredibly ill with D+V. On the plus side...a great diet! I mean a stone and a half in 10days great kind of diet!
Sinking in to depression and self harm again - If you have read my other posts you will see that I got bad again. To put a positive spin on moving back in with parents, I do actually think had I been living on my own I would have tried killing myself and would have self harmed a lot more than I did. I have not cut deeply since November. I have self harmed but not requiring hospital treatment. The pills the psych has me on, I think are possibly doing some good. I don't feel so bad all the time and I have days that are good days. This is not to say that there are not days where I don't want to get out of bed or feel like crying all day, just that those days are not as often. I seem to have more control over it. Which of course is good news. But, I know I am close, I know push me too much and I will be back over on to the other side. Too much has gone off for me to not be so fragile. I do feel quite guilty saying this. I know there are people out there who have dealt with much worse things than me and it seems as though people should be saying to me "get a grip girl"! I do still want to self harm so much. I am going to try not to though!
I think that is it for low points...I suppose they are pretty big things that have lasted more than one day and are ongoing but it's not that bad really.
Highlights -
Landing in Bangkok on my own - such a sense of freedom going travelling for 3 months. No ties and just the immense feeling of freedom (ok, 2 days later I fell off a motorbike and smashed my knee up pretty badly and got infected which they think it was that making me ill 3 months later but it was worth it!)!
Songkran - Thai New Year. I am not really a fan of new year over here. But in Thailand it happens in April and is basically a 3 day waterfight. Amazing. So much fun. Was dancing on KSR in Bangkok with a water gun firing ice cold water at people. Everyone was in a great mood and even the riots that killed people were stopped for Songkran.
Maya Bay - The Beach. If you have seen the film The Beach, well this was where it was set. To get to it it was a proper expedition. First had to swim about 50metres over rocks and where the waves were hitting the caves and sucking underneath. Then had to climb over the rocks by this rickerty ladder and then down the other side. We then had to walk through jungle before coming out the other side on to The Beach. It was stunning. No beaches I have ever seen have come anywhere near close. I've seen lots of beaches in nice places such as Thailand (ok this is in Thailand but in other areas of Thailand), Goa and everywhere. It was amazing. We were quite lucky also as there were not many other people around even though it's a massive tourist hot spot.
Ko Phi Phi - Lovely island, a little touristy but great vibe to it. Got a drunken tattoo here and had a one night stand with a latin american guy. They do not live up to their reputation as being great lovers! In fact he was pretty crap!
Hugging real life tigers! - They were not drugged just tame. It was amazing. Such powerful animals and also my favourite animal. The experience rated up there with a sky dive I did a few years ago.
Vang Vieng, Laos - Very tourist orientated but lovely place. Where else can you have so much fun. It's an adults adventure playground.
Cambodia - I went to Cambodia about 6 years ago and loved it. I loved everything about it. So I wanted to spend some more time there. I loved it again. I would say it's my favourite country in Asia. I love how resilient it is and how it has recovered after the Khmer Rouge. I love the people, they are so friendly. I love everything about it.
Starting Uni - I came out of my first degree in Psychology not really knowing where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. It took a year of working in a Psychiatric unit for me to decide I wanted to be a social worker. To be honest, when I made the application it was based on the hours. I hated working nights and so did not want to be a nurse. So I chose the Social Work route. However, since actually making the application I have looked in to it more and have decided I would be much better suited to this career. I can't wait to get started in it properly.
Becoming and Aunty for the 2nd time - My second nephew was born just before xmas. He is lovely and looks exactly like his brother. I haven't mentioned his brother in here so far as he was born in 2009 and this is 2010. But I am so lucky that I am able to spend time with my nephews and have them in my life as they are amazing.
So, what do I want from 2011.
- To have a more positive outlook
- To carry on with counselling etc to try and help me with the self harm etc
- To become more healthy. I need to lose some weight and start doing exercise.
I'll just say 3 things as I am not very good when have big lists.
Any way - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!
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