I am really struggling. The thoughts are in overdrive. I am overwhelmed by this new course. It's so full on and so much work, and we have only been there a week and have been told that the work load will increase. This is harder than my degree.
I am not sure I will be able to cope with it. If after a week my thoughts of self harm and ending it are so intense, how are they going to be when the work load increases. How am I going to be able to keep a lid on it when I am tired and when I am stressed? I am not sure I will be able to.
I am so scared of failing at it that the thoughts of ending it now before I fail are strong. It's so frustrating.
I saw Dr T on Friday. I had to run to the toilet after as I was in tears. I won't be going to see him again. He doesn't listen. He is not helpful. I am not going to go through the anxiety of having to go to the appointment before going and then feeling shit after the appointment. So, I need to get a letter fired off to the person who deals with it.
I am a bit of a mess at the moment. I am feeling stressed. I have a constant headache and I am worrying about how much work I have to do and worrying about the standard of my work. I am not happy with what I have done so far and I don't have the time or resources to go back and re do it.
I really don't know how I am going to be able to cope with this. I don't think I will be able to do it.