I didn't actually get to talk about what I wanted to talk about. We talked mainly about my going back to uni and how I would be able to cope I just need to start telling myself that and believing it. He said to look at evidence from the past at how I have coped and how I have never failed at anything. He's kind of got a point I suppose.
He asked how the last week had been and about 10 minutes before the end of the appointment he asked me if I had self harmed. I hadn't, but I said I was struggling with thoughts on Thursday evening. He asked what had happened and I said I had seen a friend and I had talked to her about a few things which I found really hard to talk about. I told him I had invited her round as there was something that I wanted to discuss with her. It was like I was talking in code, well I suppose I was as I didn't really want to mention it so close to the end of the appointment as it would feel rushed or we would have ended up running over and I didn't want to do that. I have a habit of not bringing up important big things until near the end of the appointment and he always asks me why I left it so long to bring up. So I didn't want to do that. I need to give it time to go over it, not rush it through.
Next week is the day of the important meeting with uni. He is coming with me in the afternoon. We have a meeting in the morning, but I doubt I will bring it up then as we will be talking about the meeting. So, it will have to wait until the week after. I will probably have changed my mind over it all then. So, giving it time is probably for the best.
I am mega stressing out about next week. I am getting in to such a panic over it and have even had thoughts of cancelling it because I find it all so hard. I am losing sleep over it and when I do actually get some sleep I am dreaming about it. I am knackered and just want a decent nights sleep. I am still 6 days away from it, and even then that is not the worst bit. I think it's going to be pretty informal and it's more for the psychologists benefit so he can find out more about the course. I am in such a huge mess over this, what the hell happens at the next stage that I have to be more involved in.
I am in a right mess over it all and I don't know what to do with myself about it really.