Nervous about Wednesday

I had a meeting today with my Practice Educator. She says she is happy with my progress and I am on way to passing placement. So I suppose that is good news.

I also contacted my personal tutor at uni and informed her I was meeting with the PE and did I need to say anything. She said not at the moment. So I don't know if that means it will be discussed on Thursday, as a group (more on that in a minute) or if we can not mention it. I have a meeting with my personal tutor and course director on Wednesday. I am dreading it. Apparently when speaking to course director I led her believe that the self harm was a thing in the past. I am sure I said it was ongoing. But Sam spoke to them and corrected them on that so now I have this meeting. I am dreading it. In fact I am dreading this week in general. So Wednesday I have a meeting with those 2.

I suppose at that I will get clarified what I needing to be telling placement and PE. I really don't want them knowing about the self harm. I think my manager would be understanding as she has issues also. I really like her. She is amazing. I have such a laugh with her and I could not ask for a better manager. She has loads of shit going on at the moment also and I am worried about her. I have only known her 8 weeks and I am worrying. But I suppose when you spend so much time with work people you do get to know them. Over the past couple of weeks especially I have got to know a lot about her. She has a lot going on. But she is still pulling in amazing results.

Any way, I can't see what benefit it has them knowing about the self harm. I hope uni have the same view point as me. I know Sam wants me to tell everyone, but I don't see the point. I've been told not to worry about the meeting on Wednesday as course director said she is still of same view point that she wants me to continue on placement. But it doesn't stop you worrying does it.

So on Thursday I have meeting with PE, personal tutor, manager and supervisor. It's not to do with my being a little interesting. It is what we had planned anyway. I am half way through my first placement now so it's just a check up really to make sure that everything is going ok. I am worried though that stuff will be brought up and I am going to have to talk about it with all those people there. It was hard at the MHA when there was the nurse, the social worker, and 2 doctors. But I knew I would never see these people again, I knew what I said would be nothing new to them, that they are used to hearing it. But, this is different. These people I know. These are people I will have to work with for the next few weeks. I don't want them knowing.

Friday I have a gynecologist appointment. My gyne is male. So I don't really like that. He's a lovely bloke though. And he does what he can to make it easier on me. I get the feeling he genuinely cares. Maybe that's the difference between medical and psychiatric though. I still don't understand why a bloke would want to go in to gynecology. What's the appeal. I find it really odd. Most people go into something because they have a personal interest in the area. But I just don't understand it with this. I suppose maybe a family member had gynecological problems and as a child he made it his mission in life to cure her. Or he grew up in a female dominated household and there was so much oestrogen, PMT, general female moodiness that he took on the quest to cure all women of PMT. Who knows?

So this week I have Tuesday. Tuesday is my day of no important meetings or invasive things. But I have got a visit booked which I don't want to go to. I have got quite a bit of office work to do tomorrow and could actually do with a day in the office. I may get it done in the morning though so I suppose it's a wait and see.

x