Scatty.

I am really not with it. It's probably something to do with the 10mg of morphine I take every couple of hours. And on top of this the 60mg of dihydrocodeine every 4 hours.

When I can't concentrate on one thing anyway, the drugs make it a hell of a lot harder. I am having this week off placement and I hope by Tuesday I will not be relying on the morphine and I can go back to placement. I won't be able drive to see clients but at least I will be in the office.

I am blaming myself for all of this. If I hadn't have been totally paralytic then it wouldn't have happened. I drank far too much. I was on a mission to get wrecked. I had had 3 bottles of wine before leaving the house. My friends have had a go at me saying I was too pissed. I am embarrassed by my behaviour. In doing what I am doing there are certain codes of conducts that need to be followed. Even when not in work/placement. Well I kinda blew those out the window didn't I?!

I'm really not that with it at the moment. The pain killers are spacing me out. Not had any hallucinations or anything like that. Well I don't think so anyway. LOL.

Hopefully as time goes on I will be less reliant on the mega strong pain killers and I will be able to regain my coherence. I still want to write about what actually happened and more about my experiences in hospital.

xx