Visit Tomorrow

I have Crisis Team coming over tomorrow. It is someone I have seen before. It must be nearly 2 years ago since I saw her. She came to my house when I was living with the parents before I went in to hospital. From what I remember she is quite nice. I can't remember if she is of the distraction camp or not.

I am feeling terrible. I didn't think it would actually be possible to feel worse than I was a few weeks back before I ended up in hospital. I think last night I got around 2.5 hours sleep. Today I am exhausted. I was just laying there most the night. I got up for a bit but there was too much going off in terms of hallucinations so I was better just lying in my bed head under the covers with my eyes closed so at least I couldn't see anything. Was still hearing my name being shouted and also smelling things but it's the visual ones that bother me the most.

I went to my friend's baby shower today. It was awful for me. There were too many people and my head was a mess. I didn't deal with it well at all. I left after a couple of hours.

I have also eaten today. Quite a lot really. I am going to go back to controlling tomorrow if I can. I feel awful for eating. It has made me feel so sick. But now I have started again I probably won't be able to stop again. I lasted over a week though. That's probably the longest I have managed without any food at all.

I just want to sleep now. If I go to bed now though I am worried I will wake up at about 2ish and not be able to get back to sleep. I am going to try and manage until about 10pm and go to bed then.

I think coming off medication has had some effect on me. I am definitely more depressed since I stopped taking them. I didn't think it would be possible. I just hope it doesn't get or can't get worse than this.