Low

I feel so low and miserable. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to be in bed and sleep. But I worry if I do that I will lie awake all night ruminating. There are massive self-harm and suicidal urges but I am even too low and don't have the energy to act on those. I suppose that in a way is a good thing. Isn't it? But, I know what I am like. As soon as it lifts a little I will probably act on the urges. That does worry me. I just don't have the energy to do anything about them at the moment.

The Psychologist didn't call today. I was hoping he would. I probably won't hear anything until Tuesday at the earliest. I don't think he works Mondays. So I probably won't get to see him until the end of next week. I was hoping I would be able to see him earlier.

I am contemplating calling crisis team. Not sure why. I have not had much help from them in the past. They will probably just tell me to distract myself. But, maybe it would be useful just being able to talk to someone. I don't actually know what to do.