So last night I had a few people over. I said it was a flat warming. Could hardly tell them that I will hopefully be dead shortly and may be the last time I can see them.
I thought I may feel upset by it. I thought I would have some anxieties. But I didn't really. I was a bit emotional after every one had left but that's because I was really drunk.
I didn't hand over my medication. I couldn't be bothered getting 2 buses to go to the hospital to hand it over. I am seeing the OT person tomorrow and it has been put in my notes that I am to give it to her. I have lied about what I have though. I am only handing over what I know wouldn't actually do anything. I just want them off my back and to think that I don't have a plan anymore and that I can keep myself safe. I don't want them trying to call me and not getting a response and then coming round or sending the police round.
My head is all over the place, it has been for weeks. I know this for sure though. And that is that I don't want to live. I want to die.
About Me
- Kat Moss
- Well, what can I say without giving too much away about who I am. I suppose firstly I should say why I am writing a blog. It's for my own benefit really. I like looking back through old things I have written about and it makes me rememeber it. I have an awful memory and it's good to look back and see how I felt about something or even something happening. I used to keep a diary when I was younger but fear of it being found and also the amount of time it took me to write in it meant that I didn't really write in it that often. But, it was good to look back on things and see how things were at the time. I don't know how many people, if any will read this. I would like to think people would read it and I can remain totally anonymous. If I can't be honest on here then where can I be. No one knows me on here, no one knows I keep a blog so I have that security.
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