I don't know what happened, nothing like it has happened before and it has really scared me.
At about 3am this morning I woke up in my bathroom holding a kitchen knife with tears streaming down my face. I hadn't done anything. I don't know what woke me up. I have never slept walked before. It's really bothered me. Nothing like this has ever happened before.
Maybe I wasn't sleep walking but I was in a dissociative state. But I don't remember waking up at all in the night last night. Also, although one of my suicide fantasies is stabbing myself in the stomach. It's something that has been going through my head loads recently. Something I run through from start to finish. But, it's not my method that I have planned.
What does this mean? I am really losing it aren't I? Who knows what I would have done if I hadn't have woken up. Do I need to tell my CPN/Psychologist? I am scared about what they will make of it.
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When I was very young I used to sleepwalk. I remember once I was trying to catch a green balloon, but it was just out of reach. When I woke up, I had climbed up on the furniture in the corner of my room, and my mother was at my side. I don't know what the significance of this is, but it was a very vivid dream.
I've done stuff in my sleep but have been aware I was doing it. If that makes sense. Things such as scrambling for the light as I have seen things on the wall, sitting up and looking around. I have been told I talk in my sleep as well. Sometimes I am aware I have done this but most the time not.
But this is a whole new experience and it has really bothered me.
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