First Meeting

So I went to my first fat club meeting today. Also know as Weight Watchers. It went ok but I am not keen on the leader. She's a bit excitable. A bit over the top. The whole idea surrounding it with the new points system seems as though it could work ok. It's all a points based system. I quite like that as means that I am more aware of what I am eating. Also there are quite a few no point foods on there. Obviously I am going to have to make some changes. Which means no binging on chocolate or crap. But the boredom eating I should be able to combat through eating no point foods. These include things like fruit. So I can eat all the strawberries I want. I can also sprinkle on sweetener rather than sugar and keep it at no points.

I think my main problem is snacking and comfort eating. If I can make the swaps then it should work for me. I need to get more active though. At the moment it's a pain as of my ankle. It is hurting quite a bit more now I am out of the cast so I am being really weary of what I do. Once that heals though I am going to start going on the park and being more active. I have considered swimming but not sure with the scars. I considered female only in the evening but not sure if I want to get my legs out as I am over conscious of them. I do love swimming though. I always have. When I was younger (a lot younger) I was in swimming clubs and was really good. I used to swim at school and do well in competitions. I stopped going as I moved clubs as my instructor moved and some of the girls in the new club bullied me. So I gave it up. But I could swim even with my ankle being dodgy as the water would support it more. But, I still have the problem with the scars. They are just about healed now. It's only taken more than 4 months! But it's obvious scaring!

I lost 2 stone through WW about 6 years ago. It worked well for me and I felt as though I had a lot more confidence when I have lost some weight. So I hope that this is the last time that I will go for it.

I've got an appointment with Sam later. I'm dreading it. I've stopped telling her a lot about how I am feeling. For instance there is no way I am going to tell her about my plans for the end of July. I mentioned that I would probably cut while parents are away and she seemed as though she was really pissed off with me. So I won't be talking about it anymore.

I am feeling a bit emotional today. I hope that doesn't mean I will start crying in the appointment later. I was sat in the WW meeting and I just wanted to cry! I don't know why. But I thought I was going to have to leave as I could feel it coming on. I don't know why I wanted to cry. It came from no where.

I'm a bit nervous about the appointment today. She wanted me to try the whole 10 minute rule thing. I haven't. I've just let anyway. I explained to her last week that once I made the decision to let then there was no point in me trying that. Also as I don't see that as a problem then I don't see the point in waiting 10 minutes. I said it's so mundane to me it's like putting off getting a cup of tea and see how you feel in 10 minutes. No different.

Are my thoughts becoming twisted? Does is sound rational what I am saying?