Blame

This situation is all my own fault.

If I hadn't have been so pissed I would not have fallen over and broken my foot.

I had drank 2 bottles of wine and felt fine. I should have been more pissed on that amount but I wasn't. Not when I decided on the 3rd. I walked to the shop and brought the 3rd fine. I can't remember drinking much of the 3rd. It's a bit hazy at that point. I was told to slow down but I felt indestructable. Nothing could harm me. I was fine. I was flying.

But. I did drink that 3rd. I didn't listen to anyone as I thought I was right and they were wrong. I can't remember much except from when I actually ended up on the ground. The pain sobered me up. Well kind of. I don't remember the ambulance journey or the paramedics. I know I wanted to get a taxi but I couldn't get up as I couldn't put any weight at all on my foot. It was agony. My friend called an ambulance as I couldn't walk. But I don't remember much of it. My friend Miss Recruitment said she saw the paramedic who took me in yesterday and I asked if she spoke to him, she then told me it was a her.

Here I am telling people all my views on the NHS and where money should be pumped in to and then I go and do this. My experiences of when I have ever had to be in hospital have been that when speaking to other people the majority of people in hospital are so because of alcohol. Whether it be that they have problems caused by the alcohol or as a result of them being pissed and injuring themselves. I believe that the government needs to throw money at alcohol intervention as it will save money in the long run. Spend the money now to save it in the future. Alcohol is probably the biggest drain on the NHS. So many problems are caused by alcohol. So what should they do? Increase the price? More education? I don't know but something needs to be done. These are my views and here I am being another number another statistic of alcohol caused injuries.

I do blame the shoes I was wearing also. They must have contributed some how. I don't usually wear heels. Yet here I was wearing 4inch high platform wedges. I tell everyone that it was the shoes fault. Because I don't usually wear heels and if I had have been in flats I probably wouldn't have broken anything if I had fallen. I may not have even fallen. Who knows.

I hate myself for this. How could I put myself in such a situation where I have jeopardised my course again. Of course I am not going to tell them just how pissed I was. I have just said I fell over in heels. They don't need to know that I was off my head. But after the whole worrying about being made to stop doing the course as of my mental health. And now this and it has thrown it up in the air again.

I need to be able to drive to do my placement. I need to get two observations done by 2 weeks time. My PE is on holiday and I need to get them done and written up. How the hell am I going to do those. I have asked if I can work from home but it kind of defeats the object of placement. I am going to ask if I can get taxis if the company will re-imburse. Or if my PE will pick me up and take me to those clients I need to have observations done on.

I am feeling like crap now. I blame myself for what has happened as I was stupid.

I am relying on people to do everything for me also which is horrible. I have lost all my independence. I mean, I can't even get a drink for myself unless I drink it standing where I made it as I can't carry anything on the stupid crutches. I have to pack a bag to take what I want for the day downstairs as it takes me about 5 minutes just to get up the bloody stairs and it is bloody hard work. I hate being in this situation. I hate being in plaster but it is better than the splint as it does help the pain some. Not loads but some. I am sick of this already and I have to wait until May 13th for Phsyio. I am hoping they take the cast off then. Well that's if it has stopped hurting as much. If it's still as painful they'll need to leave the cast on, So I hope it is better by then so the cast can come off.

I am so pissed off at all of this.