Hospital Again

Didn't have full assessment in the end but I was placed in a side room for 7hours with a security guard outside on red alert what ever that means. A doc came down to see me and said still hadn't got team together for assessment but would chat with me and look into what will happen.

Long story short I was talked into coming back in informally. Both my brothers were there and they talked me into it. They said I'm not being honest with myself about how ill I am. I think I am. I really didn't want this. The doctor said it's for the best and I'd made the best decision. I don't know. I don't want to be here but I think I probably need to be at the moment. I just hope I can cope better than last time and not get sectioned and end up on a PICU. The only female PICU is the one fingers works on. It would be awful after my complaint got him suspended.

What I remember from last night is that I cut badly and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I walked to the hospital and was stopped by a police man and the next thing I know I wake up in resus. They cut all my clothes off me. And had security escort in there as I tried to leave and him and a male nurse were holding on to me. Even when I used a commode the 2 blokes stayed. It was awful. No dignity left in tact.

I just wanna go home. My parents don't know I'm here yet as they're still on holiday. They're back tomorrow. I know if I go home I'll just end up doing something so maybe the extra support of being here will help. I hope I don't have to wait until next week to see my psychologist. We're not scheduled until then but I'm hoping if he knows I'm back in I'll be able to see him sooner.

Wish me luck for everything.

Xxx