Back From Medical Ward

I had to tell them. I was stood on a bridge ready to jump on to train tracks when someone asked if I was ok. I said I was. Then I thought I don't want someone witnessing it or feeling they could have somehow prevented it by braking sooner etc. I thought if I didn't do something about the OD I wasn't going to be able to hide it and by refusing treatment it would get me sectioned again which I didn't want.

So I called the ward after getting lost on my way back and they sent someone out to meet me and sent me off to hospital in a taxi with an escort. It was horrible. First off they spent over an hour trying to get blood from me as I have crap veins. Then he decides to go for my groin. Ow ow ow. I think I may have even screamed! Then I was told if I don't have treatment that I'd die. Not just have a fucked up liver but I'd die. I said I wanted that anyway but being as though I knew they'd go through the whole process of getting me sectioned and force treatment on me I would have it.

Then the nausea came. Then the throwing up. I'll leave out the details. Just that it wasn't pleasant. And was told to shush by another patient for throwing up too loudly. Lovely!

I was kept in 3nights. The psych ward gave my bed away and also meant I lost my escort. But it meant when they decided I did need a bed I was on the medical ward a night longer than needed to be. They wouldn't let me be discharged yet they let me leave the ward when I wanted. I don't get that.

So today come back to my original psych ward. Great. And I can't help it but I'm already putting stuff in place how I can harm and attempt while I'm here. Not the best way not to end up sectioned is it. But I've gotta win one day. Over 500 suicides occur in UK psych hospitals every year. So well that's my thinking!