I've been placed on a section 2.
I feel so sick. Waiting to hear about beds. I am already planning how to do away while I am there.
About Me
- Kat Moss
- Well, what can I say without giving too much away about who I am. I suppose firstly I should say why I am writing a blog. It's for my own benefit really. I like looking back through old things I have written about and it makes me rememeber it. I have an awful memory and it's good to look back and see how I felt about something or even something happening. I used to keep a diary when I was younger but fear of it being found and also the amount of time it took me to write in it meant that I didn't really write in it that often. But, it was good to look back on things and see how things were at the time. I don't know how many people, if any will read this. I would like to think people would read it and I can remain totally anonymous. If I can't be honest on here then where can I be. No one knows me on here, no one knows I keep a blog so I have that security.
37 comments:
Please take care of you. You really are worth it. Pixie x
hi :) i just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts xx
C'mon, you are not really surprised are you? Honestly? If you made it to be a therapist and was confronted with a consumer such as yourself, can you honestly say that you would let them go on their merry way? You have made numerous gestures and have practically dared them. Last week when they didn't you upped the ante. You and the moronic staff seem to be playing a dangerous game: I bet. Can kill myself. Oh no you can't you don't really feel that way. Oh yes I do, you don't believe me? I dare you.
Nobody wins. If your final goal us to die, then for gripes sSke be more covert and deceitful about it because this way just makes you look manipulative, which I assume is NOT your intention. Peace out girl. Good luck with whatever.
I just hope you can be at peace with yourself.
Sorry I agree with the 2nd anon comment. It may sound harsh & you probably don't want to hear that. But seriously..were you expecting them to just let you go? You had the choice to go voluntary, you chose not to, effectively making it worse for yourself. At the end of the day, you have nothing to lose, take the help & use it to get better. There are many people in here begging for help with their health. You have a lot more going for you than a lot of people. From your previous entries I feel you have been daring the professionals to section you & you got disappointed when they didn't, So with each attempt you need to up the ante to ensure they detain you. Of course you'll deny this, but this is how I see you.
Sorry anon 3 but I think you are being a bit harsh.
I wonder do you really understand what is going on and have you been in this situation yourself?
A lot of my frustration is the "yea, yea we know" comments, when they obviously don't know.
If I have misread the intention of your post I'm sorry.
hi GP, i don't know if you can read this from the hospital but i'm thinking of you alot tonight. i don't know if i've told you this but i've been sectioned 5 times under the canadian equivalent of the mha. it's scary to feel that the power is being taken away from you like that. despite the lack of control, i learned alot from being in the hospital so many times. each stay got shorter and shorter the more i learned. let the doctors and nurses help you. maybe when you are out you can write about why you hate so much the idea of being in the hospital. i am just wondering.
i hope you can accept the help that is being offered. masked amhp has written something about mental health and careers, so that's not all lost for you.
hang in there, and just get better. your family love you, as does your blog family. hugs.
c.
Honestly are you really surprised? You're training to be a social worker, you must have known this was going to happen. I think you actually wanted this, to verify how low you feel, I don't know? But as others have said, you upped the ante and refused the help voluntarily. The professionals had no choice, they have a duty of care to you.
I really hope you can find some kind of hope and some reason to live so that your life gets a bit more stable. It can't be nice feeling so chaotic all the time.
Hope you're OK, hun. Sending many well wishes xo
Okay, I'm going to get shot down for this comment but it has to be said. If you were so close to death like you said you were then how come you were discharged on the Monday? That means you weren't in the hospital for even 3 days. I'm by no means an expert but it just sounds a bit suspect. Close to dying, unconscious for almost 24 hours, being acidotic but them some sort of miraculous recovery. However, I hope that you are now receiving the care & attention you so desperately require.
Hang in there and I hope you get the help you need. x
I agree with the above anons, including the comment that it's suspicious you were realesed so soon after a supposedly near fatal suicide attempt. You aldo worded a post about visiting your family a few weeks ago in a way that seemed to be trying to lead people to believe you had been hospitalized. Now it is actually happening I hope it helps you.
In all honesty I don't believe everything you write here. But you are very clearly unwell and struggling with difficult things, I believe that. If you are away I really hope it helps you to find peace.
I don't think getting released from hospital that quick is unusual, I had an elderly relative in intensive care for 5 weeks - they were put on a general ward for 24 hours and then discharged!
It might be obvious to people who are well and thinking logically that refusing to work with the crisis team could lead to a section, but when you are ill and not thinking logically that fact often is either not obvious, or the feeling of wanting to be left alone is so strong that you can't stop yourself from saying it when asked (your mind isn't functioning well enough to do the logically obvious - lie!)
Good luck GP, I hope they are treating you ok.
Shit! sorry to hear you have been sectioned.
I totally disagree with the harsh comments, anybody who has been on the receiving end of mental health services will understand how oppressive the system is. The reason people do not cooperate with services is because the services do not treat them like human beings. People get labelled with made-up illness, forced to take dangerous drugs, and anything they say to protest is dismissed as a symptom of the illness. When people most need love and kindness, they are given cold clinical indifference and deprived of their freedom.
Anyway, I hope you recover with or without the "help" of the psychiatric system. A lot of people have felt suicidal at times, but then went on to never feel like this again. So while death may make the pain go away, it is possible that you can lose the pain and still be alive! Personally I think that your insight could really help a lot of other people, so please stay with us in the land of the living.
If you are detained you still have options. A section 2 will not necessarily lead to a section 3. You can get advocacy support and apply for a tribunal. Good luck. I hope you can get to the internet and keep posting.
Take Care!
Jake
Look I think you need and deserve support and it doesnt matter what it is for, truth is your behaviour and the symptoms that lead to it, are dangerous and you couldnt be left to deal with that alone, a fact i think you knew, and I rather think you wanted them to take it out of your hands, like you couldnt admit to it, or maybe you couldnt see it, but I think a part of you wanted this care, and I am glad that part is there, it means you are now safe and hopefully being treated.
Best Wishes
x
Jake, I am one of the anonymous posters above, and I am actually currently on a section 3 in hospital. So therefore don't assume that people who are making 'harsh' comments here have no experience of how mental health services work. When you assume...
Jake et al, please don't assume the 'harsh' anon comments are from people who don't understand. The majority - myself included probably have a lot of dealings with cmht's & hospitals. A lot of these comments are stemming from frustration as a lot of what GP says either doesn't add up or comes across as very manipulative. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve help, she does, but she has to be honest or she will never move forward.
As for the anon poster who commented about the crisis team. I do believe some people may have distorted thinking when they are ill. However, I do not belive this is the case for GP as she has written clearly about this many times & she also workis within social work/mental health services. This is where the manipulative element comes into it.
Yes GP is ill but I fear it is not for the reasons she posts about.
Good luck to you GP.
This is the post I was talking about: http://behind-the-scenes-goldenpsych.blogspot.com/2011/07/going-away-for-bit.html
Tell me that's not manipulatively worded to give the impression she's been hospitalized. It just makes me question what this blog is. I will be very annoyed if we're all been led on. I agree with the above, a lot does not add up, we are allowed to question because a lot of us have gone through hell.
If this is all true and genuine I really hope hospital helps. I do believe GP is ill and I hope things get better for her.
I don't think that post is worded to imply hospitalisation
Ok. Sorry GP I think I am being paranoid but thus isn't the time or place for my own issues. All the best I hope this does you good.
i agree with the anon posters this does not all add up and maybe its because you are poorly and behaving in a way that demonstrates your distress to people, however if you are going to go into social work you need to sort yourself out. its portrayed in your posts that you are not managing to do it on your own, so accept some help, open up and be honest - good luck and hope you get better soon.
p.s. i would hate to think this is all some fucked up fantasy but sometimes i do wonder.........
I'm not sure I like the word “manipulative“. It seems just like another unhelpful and negative label to me. All of us paint things a certain way to get the outcome we want from time to time. I can't see any good in telling somebody they are being manipulative.
OK I shouldn't have assumed the comments were from people without experience. I just find there is a general lack of understanding when it come to the reasons people avoid treatment. People are scared to call in the crises team, or tell a counselor how they feel because they are terrified of being sent to hospital. That's because psychiatric hospitals can be terrifying places!
The issue is really that even if she is being manipulative, it could be a symptom of illness. I think in Bloggyland we assume everyone is fluffy and lovely, and have nice, acceptable mental illnesses that don't have any negative aspects beyond causing distress. Maybe it is a reflection on us, not GP, that we react in this way to her.
However I have also wondered if this is a fantasy because a lot of things have not added up. If not a fantasy there is possibly something else going on here. I don't know.
However that said it is not bad that people call her out on being manipulative or possibly lying. Even if they are symptoms of illness, it is fair to say so. It is not the same as saying we don't support you- I think everyone who has commented does. But it does not mean we have to condone behaviour. Nobody would ever get any better if that was the case.
GS I just want to say that I've been thinking of you a lot and really do hope that you are 'ok'. Hope you'll take this opportunity to get the help and support you need, although understand being sectioned is very scary for you. Thinking of you, Jenny x
Still in my thoughts, GP. x P
Hope your doing ok - your in my thoughts
Hang in there cos your blog gives me hope.
i just wanted to say I hope you're okay and please hang in there.
Hello :) i hope you dont take this as an insult but i think the sooner you realise that the psychiatrist is right and that you have bpd the better. If you can accept it then it can be sucessfully treated. I know you dont want to believe you have this diagnosis but you know yourself if you are honest if you were to look at your own file as an anonymous client you would spot that a mile away. I know that you say its just the self harm and thats why they have labelled you with it but its not just that. The constant overdosing on medication the empty numb feelings the intence swings from ok to depressed and back again. The suicidal ideation. The feeling that you are constantly being neglected by the medical proffesionals. I really am trully saying this out of concern. I think you seem like a wonderful person but until you admit the truth to yourself you will never be well or free. Good luck please let us know how it turns out for you xx
I agree with the above. It is such a shitty, stigmatised label (which I know well meself), but it is real, and there are effective treatments out there. I hope things get better for you.
hi golden can you update and let us know how you are doing? thinking of you, c.
Your 28 days are almost up. Hope you can update us soon.
I'm really thinking of you a lot and check in here daily to see if you've posted.. I hope you are "ok" or at least alive. Please take care of yourself, Jenny x
hello golden psych ! please come back please and tell us how u are doing !
Hey there GP
Just a early morning - up all night- passing message of support for you. Been thinking of you and hope you come out refreshed and with some clear thoughts about how life CAN be for you. I won't go on about how clever you are - but I miss you and hope your better and pray for you also. Your buddy (i hope!) Don't know what the anaon comments are about - but ignore them - PLG
I check this website daily to see if GP has posted.. and I've got to say I'm really concerned. I text her a few weeks ago and no reply.. I'm really, really hoping that you're getting help GP and feeling better. If you are able and feel up to it please post an update.. I'm really thinking of you a lot. Jenny x
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