Shit, Bollocks, Fuck!!!!!

I feel as though I have been cornered.
Basically I went to counsellor today and she said she wanted to talk to me about something.
She has spoken to her directors about me and what I do and they feel that I am too vulnerable to be working/studying what I am doing at the moment. I can't tell them to stick it as it will put me in a worse position. Basically because I am training to be a social worker they feel I am too vulnerable to be working with people in that position at the moment. So I have a choice. Either I take a break from studies for a while or they will intervene by going to NHS and reporting me. If they do that then it could screw everything up career wise in the future. If I take a break then it could still screw it all up. I have never mentioned anything to uni about my problems. They could quite easily and turn round to me and say, you never told us and because of that we don't think you should be on the course at all.

The course and the placement I love. They do make me happy. I am happiest when I am supporting other people and feel as though I have purpose and direction in my life.It wouldn't just be a matter of taking a few weeks off as of placements etc. I would either not be able to continue with the course at all, or I would have to wait another year before I could do anything.

I am screwed either way. I have asked Sam if there is anyway I can approach uni, tell them the position I am in that I see a counsellor, I suffer with depression and that the issues that have been raised in counselling are a bit tough for me as I have never discussed them. Explain to them that I am capable of doing the job, and doing it well. As I have been. And that I want to continue with it all etc. And then see where they stand. I have to wait for Sam to get back to me.

I feel as though that in seeking help and trying to deal with the things I have made things worse.

I have kept this short as I wanted peoples comments on it. I will write more on it tomorrow.

Edit - Here is the email I recieved from management of the counselling company...

Dear GP aka Mental 101,



As you are aware, we are supporting Sam with her concerns over your working with vulnerable people. Charity have a duty of care to intervene if we feel that someone's mental health is placing either them, or others, at risk. As you have been self harming in such a severe and unpredictable manner that would leave you physically and psychologically impaired, and are still working with vulnerable people, we feel strongly that this is an area of risk - for you and for them.


We urge you to consider a fair and responsible decision about your work, and take the time out from this situation to ensure that you are safe and well enough in the future to undertake such work.


We hope that you will give this serious consideration; we are here to support you, however, it is essential that we uphold our duty of care and in your current profession/training we are sure you will appreciate this matter with integrity.




Best Wishes,


The Directors.