Hospital So Far.

Could have been worse. But then I don't remember most of yesterday. Before I found out I'd got a bed I took quite a high dose of anti psychotic meds. I thought it would just chill me out and make me sleep most the day. I didn't account on it suddenly hitting me about 7hours later and not being able to move or talk. I couldn't keep my eyes open and I was drooling all over myself. My legs couldn't support me.

I tried to hide it by getting in bed but the doctor came to see me and wanted me out of bed. I couldn't get my words out at all. So they cottoned on that I'd taken something and made me go to hospital. I kept coming round and being ok for a while. I refused to stay at the hospital and came back to the ward. Then the doctor came again to talk to me. Can't remember what happened really. But I was falling asleep as he was talking to me and him and a nurse kept shouting at me to stay awake.

Then half an hour later I was fine again. Went out for a cig and got back in bed and kept spilling scolding hot tea on me as I kept falling asleep. It was all quite surreal. I really didn't think that that amount of medication would have such an effect on me. It wasn't even 4x the max prescribed dose.

Today I've been very anxious. Urges are high. I've tried to be good. I've sought out a staff member and come out my room because there was too much temptation for me. I've taken some prn medication so I am hoping that that will kick in soon. It usually works well for me this particular combination. So I need to give it chance to work on me.

The ward I'm on is pretty quiet. So that's good. Hopefully I can manage this stay without informing my family.

I want to manage on my own. They are not helpful anyway when I'm ill. I tell them I don't want them to visit anyway so can't see point in telling them I'm here.