Truths Continued

16) Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Cinnamon, it's vile and it makes me heave. I could also live without these bloody mental health problems. I think most people would say that.

17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I'm not sure on this. I do try to read quite a lot and a lot of the things I read make me think. A lot of Jodi Picoult's books make me question what I would do if I was put in that situation and they are very thought provoking. Her most recent one The Storyteller covers the Holocaust and about a Nazi that was involved in it. Very harrowing and makes you think. But I can't say it changed my view of anything.

18) Your views on gay marriage.

I agree with it. I agree that if two people love each other, just because they are gay should not mean that they can not commit to each other in the same way that heterosexual couples can.

19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I was brought up as a Catholic going to church every Sunday and feast. But, I no longer agree with the Catholic religion and feel it needs updating. I hated the way it was forced down me at school. But, saying that, I do find religion really interesting and love to learn more about different religions. It wasn't until I was about 18 that I started to learn about different religions. When I was at school all we learnt about was Catholicism and thought I hated everything to do with religion. But it was studying it in Sociology at college that my eyes were opened to it. And then with my travels around Asia where I encountered different religions I became more interested in it. But I can't say I agree with everything from every religion. I like certain aspects of certain religions. I do think it's important that people respect other's religions and I ensure that I do this.

In terms of politics, I hate to admit that I don't really follow it. It should do, but it doesn't really hold my interest. I know I should be more interested especially as I am hoping to go in to a career that is quite influenced by politics and what the government says.

20) Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I drink. And I have tried different drugs. So I can't say I am against either.  I think more needs to be done with early interventions in drugs and alcohol (I have written about this before back in I think February 2011). Alcohol costs the government upwards of £10billion a year where as drugs is around £1billion. So it would highlight that alcohol is more of a problem in society. Alcohol is medicalised in the approach that is taken and I don't necessarily agree with this. A more behaviourist approach should be taken and invest money in to longer term interventions such as therapy and also in educating younger people about it. When I was in school we never really learnt about the dangers of alcohol and how it can kill you. Also, the way our culture is around alcohol needs to be changed. We are a nation of binge drinkers. If you look at countries such as France, they don't seem to have the same problems that we have.

I don't really know how I feel about legalising drugs. It may reduce crime levels, but then could it become more socially acceptable, like alcohol and raise the cost to the government in the long run?

21) (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

If they are a true friend you wouldn't care about the fight. You should be worried about your friend and put the fight behind you.

22)  Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Stealing the money. I also wish I hadn't let myself be pressurised in to sleeping with someone at 13, long before I was ready. And again when I was 15 when the older man pressurised me even though I said I didn't want to. I wish I had put up a fight and been more forceful.

23) Something you wish you had done in your life.

I suppose I answered this above, in that I wish I had been more forceful in saying I didn't want to do something.

24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)

I really can't think of anyone I would want to make a playlist for other than me.
Funeral Song - Frank Turner - Long Live The Queen.
Angry Song - My Chemical Romance - Destroya
A Song That Makes Me Happier - The Killers - For Reasons Unknown, All These Things That I've Done.
A Song To Feel - The White Lies - Death, Unfinished Business.
A Song  To Sing Along To - Queen - Don't Stop Me Now, I Want To Break Free, Bohemian Rhapsody. Guns N Roses - Sweet Child O Mine. The Raconteurs - Rich Kids Blues.

25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Because the hospital intervened and put me in a coma to take over my breathing and make me better. Because the police put me on a 136 stopping me from carrying out anything.

26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

All you need to do is read through a few entries on here and you will see that there has been many times, times I have tried and why. I am trying to distract myself so I am not about to go into it again as it will make me feel worse.

27) What’s the best thing going for you right now?

There's not a lot really. Well, not that I can see. Hopefully the fact that I may be able to continue with my masters. But I am not seeing that as very likely as I can't see any of my mental health team saying I am fit for practice. But, I need to try and be optimistic. If I am able to go back, I hope that I will pass my course and finally be able to get a meaningful job.

28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, if I got someone else pregnant I would submit myself to medical research and hope I get paid a fortune for it. If it was me. I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't be able to bring my self to terminate and I wouldn't give the baby up for adoption. I would be gutted but I would strive to be the best mother I could be. I really am not in the right space to have kids at the moment. But, I would ensure that I try my hardest and not fill them with the faults I have.

29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I am really unhappy with my weight. I have no self confidence and I generally feel really shit about myself. I am trying to follow a healthy eating plan at the moment and so far it says I have lost around 7lbs. I would also like to hope that this new therapy will help me to feel better about myself. But that I think it going to be quite long term.

30)  A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

You are friendly and you will go out of your way to help people putting others needs before your own. You try to be the best friend you can, although this is not always possible when you are feeling crap, but you do try and make up for it. You're best quality would probably be that you strive to help other people before yourself and you care a lot for others. When others are getting stressed and panicky around you, you can remain calm and together. Well, you give that appearance. You don't like other people to see your negative emotions as you don't believe they are useful for anyone to see and this can help others when they are stressed etc. You are quite good under pressure and remain calm and focused.

And that's it folks.

Doing these has been a quite good distraction so probably expect more drivel like it while I am going through shit.