Hospital

I had a nightmare night.

I called crisis team at about 2am. I was really struggling. I didn't know what to do. The guy I spoke to was useless. He actually told me to have an apple and a banana and I would feel better. I mean, seriously???? Crisis Team don't work nights it goes through to the 136 suite. So the guy I spoke to was a qualified mental health nurse. You would have thought he could come up with better advice than that.

So I called NHS Direct for some advice as I didn't know what to do. They got an out of hours GP to call me back and he panicked and called the police and an ambulance. They all came storming in and dragged me from my bed. I said I didn't want to go with them but they forced me.

I can't remember the journey to hospital but the next thing I know I am being restrained by the police on the bed. I really didn't want to be there. They were threatening me with placing me on a 136 and I kind of lost it. Not the best behaviour to be showing when you don't want to be sectioned. They put leg restraints on. The male police officer was horrible. He grabbed me by the neck and I actually thought he was going to strangle me. He was so over the top. He had a massive attitude problem and he really hurt me. But, there is no point complaining as I don't know who he was and it would be my word against his and being as though I was drunk I would never be believed.

I had a little nap and when I woke up there was no one around. So I walked out the department. I walked all through the hospital up to the main entrance, got some cash out and got in a cab. As the cab was about to pull off two different police officers came up saying they were looking for me and could I go with them back to the ED as I was reported as missing and they needed the department of psychological medicine to assess me. They said if I didn't go with them they would put me on a 136.

I'd seen them while I was on my way out and managed to avoid them. How they spotted me in the cab I don't know. I walked right past them and they didn't do anything and then they got me in the cab. I said this to them and they thought it was funny how I had managed to walk straight past them. How they knew it was me I don't know.

So back in the ED they said my pulse was racing and that I needed to stay in on one of the wards. I told them there was no way I was staying in. So the nurse went off to speak to the consultant and they said they needed me to stay but they couldn't force me. Then a security guard was placed outside my cubicle saying I was on red alert and needed to make sure I wouldn't do a runner again. So I had 2 police escorts and a security guard. What a waste of resources for me. I feel awful. I was then taken to an interview room and the DPM came in to assess me. She didn't really have much to say. She went and spoke to crisis team and arranged for the duty worker from my team to call me back.

So, they called at about 2pm and she didn't really have much to say.

I don't feel any better and I am reaching the end of my tether. As the guy from crisis team said yesterday was that it was looking as though could be heading towards hospital again as he can see that I am going through the same pattern again. I don't want to go to hospital. I don't find it helpful. And, my neighbour works on the wards as a student doctor on placement there and that would be truly awful.

So, I don't really know what to do. Maybe an apple and a banana will help. I've only had the apple today so maybe if I have a banana too I will be magically cured.