September 28th - Nearly 2 Weeks On a Medical Ward

I swallowed a needle again. This time it made me quite ill and required an emergency operation. It was on the 16th I think that I swallowed it. I was taken to the ED and x-rayed but it didn’t hurt at the time. They were going to admit me but I said I didn’t want to be and discharged myself from the ED. The PDoc wasn’t very happy with me and came to see me in my room at about 9 that night. In the end he persuaded me to go back in to hospital. So I was taken to a ward and was clerked in. After about an hour I was told I didn’t need to be there and could be taken back to the psych ward. I was still feeling ok and I managed to sleep through the night until about 4am. Come 4am I was experiencing quite a lot of pain in my stomach area and shoulder. I was given codeine every few hours and kind of left to it. As the day wore on the pain got worse and worse. I didn’t sleep that night and struggled to get any rest. I couldn’t lie down properly.


I was buzzing the nurses every hour as I was in so much pain. I saw my Mum on the Saturday also. I didn’t want to tell her what I had done, which is one of the reasons why I didn’t want admitting to medical ward in the first place. I just told her I was having really bad stomach pains and didn’t know what was causing it. On the Sunday I was in a right mess. I can’t remember much of it now as I was in so much pain I have kind of blocked it out. I remember asking them to take me back to the ED as something wasn’t right and I was in too much pain. But they wouldn’t. They were taking my temperature which was apparently raised. I was then asked if I had shoulder pain. I hadn’t mentioned it as I thought it was just stress pain as of the way I was holding myself but apparently the shoulder pain was an indication that the needle had perforated my stomach and small intestine. I was taken for surgery pretty much straight away.

I can’t remember the Monday and only slightly remember the Tuesday. I was still in loads of pain and was on morphine. But. I had a bad reaction to morphine. I vaguely remember being told after the surgery they had have to have given me narcan as of the reaction to the morphine. On the Tuesday my Mum and brother came to visit and I remember my brother being quite upset. My Mum said I looked a mess though. I had a tube going in my nose, I couldn’t move properly and I was out of it. I asked my mum at a later date and she said my brother was upset as I was so ill. I didn’t realise how ill I was at the time. I don’t think you do though do you? But looking back at it I know I was bad.

That night I had a bad reaction to the morphine. I wasn’t really aware of what was going on. It was still day time but I don’t remember being with it. I remember trying to pull out all the tubes and bits and pieces that were going in to me and having 2 members of staff restrain me so that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I remember hallucinating at night also. I said I knew they had moved me and that I had lost a day. I wasn’t in the hospital that I thought I was in and that they were doing things to me without my consent. I was seeing trolls out the window and fireworks. It was really weird. I only vaguely remember it. I don’t remember stopping breathing. Only the staff and nurses running around me like flies. It was weird. It was eerily quiet also. Supposedly my resps had dropped to only one a minute, noticed by my observing psych staff. So they put me on oxygen and waited for me to come round a bit. Then there were more hallucinations and trying to get out etc. but with no avail.


This happened a couple of times while I was on the ward and in the end they stopped the morphine. I wasn’t aware of what was happening at all and each time it was just like I had been asleep.

I was in a lot of pain whilst on medical ward and could not walk. I was on high observations and so had to have someone follow me in to the toilet or shower. Sometimes I managed it so that I wasn’t followed in and they waited outside but most the time I had to have someone watch me shower which was awful and so demeaning. It’s not something you can get used to.

I was on the medical ward for nearly 2 weeks. I didn’t want to be discharged at all as I didn’t want to go back to the psych ward. So when I was discharged being back on the ward I must say I didn’t take too kindly to it and struggled with being on high obs and being followed to the toilet and shower.