August 15th - Day 5 in the Big Brother House

Dragged out of bed again. They don’t get the whole “give me two minutes so I can actually wake up”. Put me in a bad mood for the day. I am not a morning person. Well at the moment I am not an any time person, but dragging me from sleep, that goes down even worse.


Managed a piece of toast. No food no fag. Didn’t eat the crusts though.

So, I was first in to see the Doctor. It wasn’t just one doc. It was his F2, a psychologist and the nurse. Dr M is my consultant doc here. His accent wasn’t too bad. He said I looked depressed and I needed an anti-depressant also. So he is giving me that alongside the Quetiapine. I can’t remember the name of it. Apparently it will make me drowsy. I am also written up for zopiclone. Gonna try and have everything tonight as didn’t sleep well last night. I find if I lay in the same position too long my hips start to really burn where they are pressured on the mattress.

So he asked me the usual questions, why I was here, my thoughts, he asked me about the self-harm the other night. I didn’t really say much. Just asked about when I could go home and he said he didn’t know. I spoke to the nurse last night also and she said they want to use this admission so I can learn to acknowledge feelings and deal with them in proper way. So I get the feeling it could be heading in to a S3.

I am going to have to contact uni about it. I am supposed to be going in to uni. I am going to get my Mum to call the head of the course for me. Maybe not explain full details but tell them I want to go back when uni goes back and I am working towards that.

I am not able to go to the festival I have tickets for either which I am really really pissed off at. The line-up is amazing. AMAZING. But that is only in 2 weeks so it is probably being quite optimistic anyway.

Lunch. I had a couple of spoons of carrots. I am trying to get away with eating as little as possible. I’ll see how long I can keep it up for. I don’t want to eat and it is the only thing I have some control over at the moment. I feel like I am in a prison. I hate it here.