Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Urges Are Strong

I am having major urges again. I slept about 5 hours last night waking from a nightmare about a psychopath who was trying to kill me. That's what you get from reading about psychopaths just before going to sleep I suppose. After the fear from the nightmare had subsided I started getting urges.

I have the final appointment with my OT today. I am not sure how much detail to go in to with her.

I have been asked out on a date tonight. I have kind of screwed it all up as I won't be able to take my clothes off in front of anyone for a while as would be pretty obvious that they are fresh wounds. The previous wound from February has only just healed. Nearly 6 months for it to heal. That's not good is it. And now I have 4 new wounds with stitches in. I paid to join this site, that was a waste of money wasn't it?

I don't really want to go tonight. I want to stay in and cut. I have even looked up whether or not you can get stitches at a walk in centre. I have also looked up how far away the ED's are in different cities so I don't need to go to my local one (my old neighbour is consultant there) and I don't have to go to the one I went to last night.

I am not sure what to do now. The urges are in over drive and I really can't cope with them.

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