I don't want to grow old. I don't want to die a slow painful death from a drawn out illness that I have no control over (such as cancer etc). I don't see a future. I don't want to lose people close to me, watching them go one by one. I don't want to watch all that and think my own death is getting closer and closer, it being something I fear. I want to have that control. I don't want to live my life with the regular low periods where sometimes they don't hang around long, but most of the time they are totally disabling. I can't ever see me being able to live a normal life. A life where self harm is not the first thing I turn to when things are tough. I don't ever see me being rid of this whole thing.
I don't see a point. Why should I have to suffer like this? What is the point in it? Was I really bad in a past life and I have been reincarnated in to this hell. Is this hell?
About Me
- Kat Moss
- Well, what can I say without giving too much away about who I am. I suppose firstly I should say why I am writing a blog. It's for my own benefit really. I like looking back through old things I have written about and it makes me rememeber it. I have an awful memory and it's good to look back and see how I felt about something or even something happening. I used to keep a diary when I was younger but fear of it being found and also the amount of time it took me to write in it meant that I didn't really write in it that often. But, it was good to look back on things and see how things were at the time. I don't know how many people, if any will read this. I would like to think people would read it and I can remain totally anonymous. If I can't be honest on here then where can I be. No one knows me on here, no one knows I keep a blog so I have that security.
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