Well, I am doing ok? I think I am anyway. But things seem to be a bit better. I don't know why, maybe it's because of the medication. I am a bit stressed out still, but I am dealing with it quite well. It sounds awful but when I feel like this I worry more. The pessimist in me can't enjoy feeling like this as I worry about how long it will last for before I go right back down again. It feel false. Does anyone else get that?
I have joined a gym in my efforts to lose weight and get fit. I have set myself a challenge. I have entered a 5km mud run in September. I can't run at all. But, I aim that in 3 months I will be able to run the course. I have only been 3 times so far but I am already noticing a change in my fitness levels. The first couple of times the machines kept beeping at me as my heart rate was going too high to be safe. But yesterday it didn't do it at all and I had to work that little bit harder to get my HR up to a decent level. So that's all good. And, another benefit is is sleep. I am sleeping much better, much better quality. OK, it's only been 3 days, but, I have managed to fall asleep almost straight away and then sleep solidly without waking. That's massive for me.
On another note, I have started online dating again. I have talked about it before. But I don't know if I am self sabotaging. I keep comparing all the dates to my first date with my ex. But I don't know if this is the right thing to do. After the first date with my ex I came away with butterflies and I knew I would fall for him. There was a massive something there. I don't know if that's normal or not. Can those feelings develop? I wonder if because I was 17 when I met my ex I was quite naive and my age had something to do with how I was feeling. I don't know if I should be looking for those feelings now or not? Can they develop over time? Or if I don't feel like that should I just move on and give up on that guy?
Anyway, comments on that would be useful. Please.
I have a Psychology appointment in a couple of hours so I will be posting about that later or tomorrow.
About Me
- Kat Moss
- Well, what can I say without giving too much away about who I am. I suppose firstly I should say why I am writing a blog. It's for my own benefit really. I like looking back through old things I have written about and it makes me rememeber it. I have an awful memory and it's good to look back and see how I felt about something or even something happening. I used to keep a diary when I was younger but fear of it being found and also the amount of time it took me to write in it meant that I didn't really write in it that often. But, it was good to look back on things and see how things were at the time. I don't know how many people, if any will read this. I would like to think people would read it and I can remain totally anonymous. If I can't be honest on here then where can I be. No one knows me on here, no one knows I keep a blog so I have that security.
1 comment:
I always used to question myself when I feel good, and then find some reason to sabotage the good feeling. I'm getting better, but it still happens once in a while.
I met my husband on eHarmony. I liked him right off, but then I think because of my history of domestic violence I got scared and tried to push him away. Once I learned that he wasn't going to be like that, I was ready to go forward with the relationship. We'll have been together 5 years in August, just got married June 8 :D
As a person with bipolar disorder, it seemed like I would get manic in the beginning of a relationship and the butterflies would hit and I'd think "this is the one!" I wasn't really being sensible about it, and I think it's better to have some mild attraction in the beginning and then give it time to grow.
If there's no attraction at all, then definitely move on, but try to differentiate between unreasonable giddiness and actually having things in common on which to build a relationship. I'm 55, and I still act like a teenager when it comes to falling in love. I don't know if it's because I have bipolar or if it's just part of being a woman!
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