I'm not doing that great.

Short post as writing from my phone.

Things are getting worse and worse. I keep self harming and making half arsed attempts but it's not getting me anywhere. So now it's 10pm and they're doing the most thorough room search ever and taking everything out. I have got something hidden and it's going to get found but I'm not owning up to it on off chance she doesn't check where it is.

She's about to find it! She will. Omg she didn't. She didn't say if she did it looked like she just chucked it in with the rest of my stuff.

Anyway. Feeling shit. The feelings of wanting to end it all are back and I think of ways in which I can. I don't really know what to do about it. Over the past few weeks I've made some as what they class pretty serious self harm suicide attempts. I've been forced to go to hospital which was horrible but all I was bothered about was what would happen if my parents found out. Not at all bothered what would happen to me. I couldn't care if I'd caused myself harm. What does that say about everything? I don't know what to do with myself. It's just engulfing me at the moment. Xxx